I'm one to celebrate being single. And I'm one to admit I'd rather not be single. I want a certain connection and haven't found it yet and until then I really don't put any effort into looking for it. It's a simple friendship. I know I will fall in love with someone who is a friend first. That comes from my inability to let my guard down with just anyone. I think a lot of women are like me--they just want men they can trust. In today's society it's hard to assume the best about a guy (especially if he's good looking, successful, and single.)
I've been doing a lot of research to help my reader's get out of this single-dom. I know beautiful, successful, indepent women who just can't find love (me included but I know what my problem is--most of my readers don't know theirs.) It's appalling that some of us are not being approached by men for genuine long term relationships. You would think a guy would want all of those qualities in a woman. But pouring through many men's articles looking for what men want in women I unconvered some disturbing trends in advice for men about dating. They are being told what to AVOID more than they are being told what to look for. And after I got over my anger at how sexist these articles were I took the chance to notice there were valid points. I realized that even though I say I want a serious relationship I am giving off the "DON'T DATE ME/YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME HAPPY" vibe. No bueno.
Here are the 10 most common women men are being told to avoid. Try and learn something after you calm down.
1. Feminists: Guys are being taught that these are the kind of women who blame men for everything. That feminists believe that the world would be a better place if men would allow women to be the stronger gender that they are destined to be. Men are being told that feminists treat men like shit with the understanding that men deserve it for years of oppression and will without guilt try and take their manhood. One article said she says things like "Men only think with their penises."
2. Desperate Chicks: This woman is on a countdown. She has set her mind to have kids and be married by a certain time and she doesn't care who with. Men are being taught that she is the kind of woman who wants to "trap" a man she barely knows into marrying simply because she doesn't want to be the last of her friends to do so. This woman also falls into the trap of "Instant Relationship" where a few dates or a sexual encounter has her mind racing with questions like "Why isn't he calling?" or not making plans for the weekend hoping he'll call to do something. She says she "misses" him after a few weeks of talking.
3. Gold Diggers: This one is pretty obvious but guys are being instructed to avoid a girl who is "take take take take take." This is the kind of woman who feels that a man is supposed to pay for her drinks, dinner, flowers, luxuries, and life style. They are being told that she will use her sexuality and even sponge older guys for money--sometimes without making any commitment to one guy. She cares only for material things and will never want a lasting relationship with someone who can't afford to pay her. One article called her a "prostitute in disguise" and another say's that she's "almost repulsed by the idea that she should return any of the favors."
4. Hopeless Romantics: Seems like men think women who are overly romantic live in a fantasy world. That a hopeless romantic will expect the impossible and will never be happy because her ideal relationship cannot exist. The hopeless romatic has always considered herself a princess and wants to be catered to. If she doesn't get treated like royalty they say she becomes a "screaming nag."
5. Insecure Woman: The woman who is insecure starts out really sweet and loving, guys say. But then as the relationship goes on the insecurity causes her to be super jealous, needy, and emotional. An insecure woman needs to be constantly reminded that she is loved and that she needs to be treated like glass because she is so fragile. Men are being taught to avoid an insecure woman because she becomes full of drama, always calling her man's phone when they're apart, and looking for reasons to feed her paranoia. They call her "needy little girl" and one article had a picture of a doll covered in cotton to depict this kind of woman.
6. The Bitch: They call her "man hater" or "like a feminist--but worse." Guys are being asked to avoid being with a bitch because frankly she doesn't know how to treat people. She cares nothing of anyone else's feelings and she hates men. She thinks that they are stupid and treats them as such. The bitch is the kind of woman who has the competitiveness of a man with the sensitivity of a woman to avoid being hurt. Men are being let in on the fact that she is a good "challenge" but not someone to marry because of her attitude. She's usually really guarded and once she does open up she tends to fall into the "instant relationship" category, too. She switches from being super seductive to emotionally distant in moments making it hard to get close to her.
7. The Yapper: Good conversation is key to a guy but too much talking is annoying. Men avoid women who just talk to hear themselves talk. They never find the time to let anyone get a word in edgewise. Usually a woman who talks too much is very opinionated and not a good listener. Usually the yapper is full of gossip and other useless things as well. Someone who talks too much is seen as someone who is unable and unwilling to learn and men are being told to avoid women like this for sanity purposes.
8. The Career Woman: I didn't see this one too often but the fact that I saw it at all was startling. Apparently it's not that men are afraid of successful women but they have this fear that a career woman doesn't need them. And not even that. Guys are being told that the career woman thinks she doesn't need him. And if a woman doesn't need him why should a man be around her? A career woman has an indepence that is almost arrogant and that's seen as a huge turn off. Men like to know that a confident woman depends on him and a woman who is taking care of everything herself tends depend on no one but herself.
9. The Controlling Lady: If a woman has to have a say in what her man wears, where he goes, who he hangs out with, and what he eats she is the main woman men are being told to avoid. She always has an opinion about what her man should be doing and tends to be the one who puts down her man. Controlling women also can be subtle in her ways by refusing sex, nagging, crying, and even throwing tantrums. All articles list her as someone who is a bitchy and uses the loyatly and love of a nice guy to her advantage.
10. Elusive Chick: Men are being told that women who send mixed messages are going to be nothing but utter frustration. She plays with emotions and she may date and flirt but she never becomes exclusive with her man. They say that she "subconciously sabatages" or avoids relationships. She's been hurt in the past and carries it with her and she never will quite get to where she can fully open up again. One article went as far as to say she makes excuses to why she can't spend time and will never get a man who's interested out of "friend status." It says that she deceives herself into thinking she doesn't have time for relationships.
In conclusion--just between us girls--those were just 10 of the most common listed. I saw references to party girls and serial flirts as well. They key thing to take from all this is what we might see as positive traits men might assume the worst. A man should expect to put some effort into getting to know a woman if he has pure intentions. From what I read it sounds like men hold women who have been hurt before in a bad light. I don't think a woman can control who hurts her. Men should be more sensitive to the fact that women want to be in love and have had their hearts broken and are going to be guarded. Also men should take an active role in understanding that women are emotional. And yes, if a connection is made or she finds she's interested in a man he shouldn't be creeped out. If he's not interested in going beyond what's already there he should make that clear. If he needs time to understand how he feels about a woman who has fallen for him he needs to make that clear too.
Love is a battlefield and there are going to be wounds that need treating and time for healing, ladies. But lets not have those scars scare away our happiness. Are you guilty of any of the above? Do you have those tendancies? It's time to take some of the blame for why we are single if we really don't want to be. That's the only way we'll be able to change and get what we need. A long lasting and loving relationship.
Stay beautiful inside and out!
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
All The Single Ladies! Valentine's Doesn't Have to Suck
Meet a New Guy: Why not? You know you would rather be with a guy anyway. Gather the girls and go out to a ladies night for singles. Pick five traits for five diffferent guys. Have a goal of approaching guys. Make the list simple but the list should be fun. For example, the first guy you see wearing red you have to approach. Or a guy drinking a certain brand of beer. Anything will work. You're single now so meeting new people should be something you enjoy. And you never know--if he's out single on Valentine's Day he just might end up being your Valentine next year.
Throw a Party: If going out and seeing all the happy couples is not something you think you can handle--throw a party of your own. Pick a theme like "Love Bites" and have an all out war against relationships. Invite some of your closest and hottest girlfriends, add a Brown Bag party that features the best self pleasing options for Valentine's Day, attire is nothing but LBDs and share your relationship woes with a glass of wine and hor dovures. No flowers, no candy, no red--just sexy black dresses and sex toys ;)
Love Your Loved Ones: Valentine's Day is about love. There is no reason to forget the special people in your life that love you every day no matter what. Your family and friends should hear just how much they mean to you on Valentine's Day. Buy cards and candies and treat them to the pampering you are so used to giving to yourself. If you have children take the time to enjoy making their Valentine's Day cards for school, take them Michaels and let them go crazy with the Valentine's Day crafts and glitter and heart shapes. Spend time with your siblings and your parents. Make Valentine's Day treats for your loved ones as well. Nothing is more fun than working from your creative side.
Donate Your Time: There are so may people that don't get love on a regular basis that would appreciate yours. And not only people--animals as well. You can volunteer downtown at the homeless shelter, pick a senior citizens home to spend a day passing out Valentine's Day cards and making new friends. The Humane Society in Sanford always needs volunteers. Spend the day caring for abandoned animals that need a little tlc. Karma is so important when it comes to sharing love. You have to give love to get it. Remain positive and don't wallow in the fact that you're single. Give your time to those that truly don't have anyone who cares. Do a favor for a friend in need or take out someone you know who recently had a rough time in love or maybe even health wise. The bottom line is show strangers a little love and feel better about your situation.
Take a Trip: Maybe you need to get away from what you're used to. Especially if you went through a recent breakup. Getting out of the city and taking a quick trip to Daytona or Tampa might be what you need. Going out in a different city is a way to avoid reliving memories of past Valentine's Days with the ex. Bring a girlfriend along or go solo--either way the change of scenery should allow you to take a break from all the emotions that are bound to come pouring out. Maybe you want to spend the day missing him? Maybe you want to spend the day forgetting him? Only you know where your heart is at. As long as you focus on what's best for you.
Phone A Friend: All men aren't bad. If you have a male friend or someone you used to date and you are in the mood for romance--give him a call. Setting clear guidelines always helps if he is more into you than you are into him and vice versa. Sometimes still being able to flirt and enjoy the company of someone you care about is enough to make for a fun Valentine's Day--especially if it's a casual situation. The only thing is make sure you aren't setting yourself up for heartbreak. If this casual date with a guy you want more from don't get it twisted. And don't fool yourself into thinking he might feel the need to make you his girlfriend after that. Remember what I say--give him the green light but let him press the gas pedal.
In conclusion--just between us girls--the key is to make time for yourself. Love yourself. Celebrate all the non romantic love you may have in your life. And don't be afraid to pamper yourself. It's Valentine's Day! Much love ladies.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
In the Case of Michael Jackson--I'm Guilty
My heart is broken over the loss of Micheal Jackson. I can't believe that he's gone and I can't believe that he passed away without knowing how much we all loved him. Time will tell that he's the greatest that ever did it. Especially since no one makes music like he did anymore--music without boundaries, music with abandon, music with a pulse that brought life to the entire world. There's no denying it. Whether you're one of the cynics that believe the negative press and played into the "Wacko Jacko" character the media created or not--Michael's music speaks for itself.
Some people will say that the fact that we're all now coming out about our love for Michael Jackson is hypocritical. That the fact that everyone is playing his music, buying his records, and admitting he was their inspiration is somehow wrong. Remember the saying "you don't know what you got till it's gone?" Well, that's a fact of life. We as humans always take things for granted--our parents, our loved ones, our health, our wealth--things as big as our freedom and as small as our fast metabolisms--and losing things has always been our reminder of how important things are. So for me, this new wave of Michael fanatism is a part of how humanity learns. If anything, we will think back to how we ridiculed Britney Spears and bashed Mariah Carey and thank God that they had the chance to get back to the top after we tore them down. Those two women also impact the world through music and would be missed if they were gone.
In conclusion--just between us girls--I feel a heavy guilt over the fact that Michael Jackson died when he did. I can honestly say I never believed he touched those kids. And he was found not guilty as well. Now his not guilty isn't like R Kelly's where there is tape and someone had to come forward and lie. As a writer I believe people's true spirits are in their lyrics (granted today I think most rappers are lying in their music) and Michael Jackson had the most inspirational things to say in his music--he always had the intentions to change the world with his music and told the world that it could be done. That's the Michael Jackson I was inspired by and the Michael Jackson I love. So why do I feel guilty? Because I laughed at all the jokes, watched people distort his words and turn them into perversion and still supported those people, I never argued my point of his innocence when people brought up his guilt.
It seems like most non-urban media outlets and people are still determined to tarnish his legacy though and that saddens me. What makes me happy is we Jackson fans will not let them do that without a fight. Ask Perez Hilton. Michael Jackson was a part of every musician's life and will continue to be as those he influenced influence us. May we remember that our words have power and our celebrities are human. Let's stop building up people to tear them down.
“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.”--Michael Jackson
That quote makes me feel that Michael Jackson spent his life forgiving us for the way we treated him. I pray that his 50 show tour selling out in 4 hours let him know that we still loved him and his music. I pray that 750,000 tickets let him know we still wanted and loved his music.
Stay beautiful inside and out.
Some people will say that the fact that we're all now coming out about our love for Michael Jackson is hypocritical. That the fact that everyone is playing his music, buying his records, and admitting he was their inspiration is somehow wrong. Remember the saying "you don't know what you got till it's gone?" Well, that's a fact of life. We as humans always take things for granted--our parents, our loved ones, our health, our wealth--things as big as our freedom and as small as our fast metabolisms--and losing things has always been our reminder of how important things are. So for me, this new wave of Michael fanatism is a part of how humanity learns. If anything, we will think back to how we ridiculed Britney Spears and bashed Mariah Carey and thank God that they had the chance to get back to the top after we tore them down. Those two women also impact the world through music and would be missed if they were gone.
In conclusion--just between us girls--I feel a heavy guilt over the fact that Michael Jackson died when he did. I can honestly say I never believed he touched those kids. And he was found not guilty as well. Now his not guilty isn't like R Kelly's where there is tape and someone had to come forward and lie. As a writer I believe people's true spirits are in their lyrics (granted today I think most rappers are lying in their music) and Michael Jackson had the most inspirational things to say in his music--he always had the intentions to change the world with his music and told the world that it could be done. That's the Michael Jackson I was inspired by and the Michael Jackson I love. So why do I feel guilty? Because I laughed at all the jokes, watched people distort his words and turn them into perversion and still supported those people, I never argued my point of his innocence when people brought up his guilt.
It seems like most non-urban media outlets and people are still determined to tarnish his legacy though and that saddens me. What makes me happy is we Jackson fans will not let them do that without a fight. Ask Perez Hilton. Michael Jackson was a part of every musician's life and will continue to be as those he influenced influence us. May we remember that our words have power and our celebrities are human. Let's stop building up people to tear them down.
“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.”--Michael Jackson
That quote makes me feel that Michael Jackson spent his life forgiving us for the way we treated him. I pray that his 50 show tour selling out in 4 hours let him know that we still loved him and his music. I pray that 750,000 tickets let him know we still wanted and loved his music.
Stay beautiful inside and out.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Fine As Wine
I like my men like I like my wine: aged, sweet, and moderately priced. I'm a sucker lately for the 35 and up men. Or maybe its because they like me. I think I've got all the features of a woman that a real man can appreciate (sorry I never understood the women with 12 year old bodies gettin any kinda play.) Maybe it is because I'm a bigger woman the older men like me but that's got nothing to really do with anything I have come to find out. Hands down I believe I'm beautiful just the way I am after years of forcing my body to be what it's just not. It took a long time and I'm finally there and I know for a fact that I can take your man if I wanted to lol. It's a funny thing to know someone for a while who I know never would give me the time of day and then to see that look on his face when I he realizes that I'm kinda hot is the greatest. That's why I never settle and I shake off dudes I know are approaching me because they think I need love like that. I gets love--BALLLLEEEEE DAT and I want someone who thinks I'm beautiful just the way I am and can appreciate the fact that I'm smart as hell and like the Beyonce says--I can definately "upgrade" him. But that's a whole other blog.
There's something about being able to have a conversation with someone that's appealing to me. I don't know if getting to know someone is a dying art but that's how I determine if a guy is worth my time or not. Playing the love game with someone is irrelevant to whether or not I can be with that person (now if we have to talk about how good it is, that's a different story.) That may sound crude but it's the truth. We all have needs. I'm attracted to the same things phyisically in any man. But I refuse to feel like I'm too good to be with any dude. "I'm known to walk alone but I'm alone for a reason." Ya'll know I used to hate on Beyonce, right? She's that chick for real though lol
In conclusion--just between us girls--does it seem like younger men are loosing the idea of "the chase?" You know, having to put in a little work before they get the goodies we all know they want? I feel like the value of a woman has decreased dramatically and maybe that has to do with the fact that the music we listen to tends to sell P as a product but back in the day (from what I hear) guys actually tried to make you like them before making "those" kinda moves. What I tend to get from older men is a little more attention in that area. Granted its not a huge improvement (don't make me elaborate...my recents will be ashamed) but the idea that I gave my number out so I can just get to know him isn't a big shocker to an older man. Maybe I'm lucky cause I get the one's with no kids OR ex wives so I don't know the true pain of being over a decade younger than the man I'm dating. But there's nothing like being with a man I wouldn't mind submitting to (yeah I said submitting--there can't be two bosses.) Today's guys need to take a lesson from the oldshchool. I want someone to make me feel like a woman should feel: treasured, respected, and beautiful. Can a girl get a little ROMANCE?
Stay beautiful inside and out!
There's something about being able to have a conversation with someone that's appealing to me. I don't know if getting to know someone is a dying art but that's how I determine if a guy is worth my time or not. Playing the love game with someone is irrelevant to whether or not I can be with that person (now if we have to talk about how good it is, that's a different story.) That may sound crude but it's the truth. We all have needs. I'm attracted to the same things phyisically in any man. But I refuse to feel like I'm too good to be with any dude. "I'm known to walk alone but I'm alone for a reason." Ya'll know I used to hate on Beyonce, right? She's that chick for real though lol
In conclusion--just between us girls--does it seem like younger men are loosing the idea of "the chase?" You know, having to put in a little work before they get the goodies we all know they want? I feel like the value of a woman has decreased dramatically and maybe that has to do with the fact that the music we listen to tends to sell P as a product but back in the day (from what I hear) guys actually tried to make you like them before making "those" kinda moves. What I tend to get from older men is a little more attention in that area. Granted its not a huge improvement (don't make me elaborate...my recents will be ashamed) but the idea that I gave my number out so I can just get to know him isn't a big shocker to an older man. Maybe I'm lucky cause I get the one's with no kids OR ex wives so I don't know the true pain of being over a decade younger than the man I'm dating. But there's nothing like being with a man I wouldn't mind submitting to (yeah I said submitting--there can't be two bosses.) Today's guys need to take a lesson from the oldshchool. I want someone to make me feel like a woman should feel: treasured, respected, and beautiful. Can a girl get a little ROMANCE?
Stay beautiful inside and out!
Life Lessons from Michael Jackson
"If you're thinkin about my baby, it don't matter if you're black or white." NOW it doesn't matter but BACK THEN--Mama told me "Try to only date men the same color as you or lighter." I know she's not a racist because she's Irish/Jamaican and her childrens' father was as black as night and she tends to date men of that skin tone. I guess the fact that she has ivory skin makes for "better" complexion---anywhoo the point is this: I was concious of the idea of color defining beauty at a young age. I never had a problem with the color of my skin--its right in the middle so I'm not light skinned enough to get the first glance but i'm not dark enough to get the last glance. I know that sounds harsh but that's just the way things are. They are changing every day but to quote Gwen Stefani and Andre 3000--"we got a long way to go."
I never have a problem seeing white women with black men. Secretly I wonder why a black woman wasn't good enough for him but love is love (or more accurately--lust is lust lol.) This might sound crazy but I was only attracted to white guys growing up and through out high school. There were some Spanish dudes in the mix but it was mostly white guys. Was I a sell out? No. It wasn't intentional, I was around a lot more white guys than I was black at the time. In college, I finally discovered my true attraction for a man is his smile, personality and model-like attractiveness lol. I became a sucker for beautiful bone structures and blindingly white smiles and that led me into a love for men of all skin tones. Lately, I find myself attracted to African, Haitain, Jamaican, mixed and Latino men. It's like white guys don't do it for me anymore. Its funny that I used to be ashamed of liking guys outside my race. I would have never confessed that I liked white guys five years ago. I guess I'm growning into accepting who I am and what I like.
Maturity has given me a wider scope for beauty. Its not that I no longer like white guys its that I have added men of all shades to the list. Usually, if the personality sucks I can't follow through with the deal. Its not a crime to look, though. I enjoy man candy. When I see a couple that's white guy and black girl and its not a white guy that's hood--I feel a little like progress is being made in the world. For a white man to look at a black woman and see beauty is a huge thing. It's not the same as a white woman liking a black man because black men have everything a white man has (and then some ) physically. Black women tend to be the opposite of what history has deemed beautiful. And its not the same as when a black guy dates a white girl--it just isn't. I never understand how some black guys are so handsome and they date the ugliest white girls. If you're a black woman you know what I'm talking about. I'm a big, beautiful black woman and I can't turn the head of a black man who's dating a white woman my size (0ften bigger) for nothing lol. She doesn't even have to dress right, either. It's annoyingly frustrating.
In conclusion--just between us girls--interracial dating is about the shift in the idea of beauty, isn't it? For a long time dark was bad and light was good. Dark-skinned people still get overlooked to me, though. The color line is blurring, yes but I see beauty in people no matter what their shade is and there are people who still say "I prefer this over that." I highly doubt those who "prefer" ever keep their minds open to other options. I have a friend who makes fun of me for liking "those foreign guys" meaning the non "regular" blacks like Africans and Haitians. I take it all in love but it does get me thinking about my generation. Now, there are more mixed kids out there in the world so it's easy for kids to accept people of different races as far as mating goes (yeah I said mating lol) so I'm not worried about the future. It's the now that scares me. Race is a hard thing to discuss because it affects everyone and the conflict comes when people assume that it doesn't. I grew up in a color blind world (three white sisters, three Mexican foster sisters, a light skinned sister, a dark skinned one, a Philipino step dad and a pure Jamaican ado mom with Irish features of pale skin, green eyes and red hair, my "family" I spend all my time with now is German lol) so I feel a little wreckless in talking about color since I know and have loved people from all races as family. People are beautiful regardless what there skin looks like. And when people my age start to see beyond the physical--beyond what they have programmed themselves to believe--more people will get laid. Had to end on a lighter note lol.
"I'm not gonna spend my life being a color."
Stay beautiful inside and out!
I never have a problem seeing white women with black men. Secretly I wonder why a black woman wasn't good enough for him but love is love (or more accurately--lust is lust lol.) This might sound crazy but I was only attracted to white guys growing up and through out high school. There were some Spanish dudes in the mix but it was mostly white guys. Was I a sell out? No. It wasn't intentional, I was around a lot more white guys than I was black at the time. In college, I finally discovered my true attraction for a man is his smile, personality and model-like attractiveness lol. I became a sucker for beautiful bone structures and blindingly white smiles and that led me into a love for men of all skin tones. Lately, I find myself attracted to African, Haitain, Jamaican, mixed and Latino men. It's like white guys don't do it for me anymore. Its funny that I used to be ashamed of liking guys outside my race. I would have never confessed that I liked white guys five years ago. I guess I'm growning into accepting who I am and what I like.
Maturity has given me a wider scope for beauty. Its not that I no longer like white guys its that I have added men of all shades to the list. Usually, if the personality sucks I can't follow through with the deal. Its not a crime to look, though. I enjoy man candy. When I see a couple that's white guy and black girl and its not a white guy that's hood--I feel a little like progress is being made in the world. For a white man to look at a black woman and see beauty is a huge thing. It's not the same as a white woman liking a black man because black men have everything a white man has (and then some ) physically. Black women tend to be the opposite of what history has deemed beautiful. And its not the same as when a black guy dates a white girl--it just isn't. I never understand how some black guys are so handsome and they date the ugliest white girls. If you're a black woman you know what I'm talking about. I'm a big, beautiful black woman and I can't turn the head of a black man who's dating a white woman my size (0ften bigger) for nothing lol. She doesn't even have to dress right, either. It's annoyingly frustrating.
In conclusion--just between us girls--interracial dating is about the shift in the idea of beauty, isn't it? For a long time dark was bad and light was good. Dark-skinned people still get overlooked to me, though. The color line is blurring, yes but I see beauty in people no matter what their shade is and there are people who still say "I prefer this over that." I highly doubt those who "prefer" ever keep their minds open to other options. I have a friend who makes fun of me for liking "those foreign guys" meaning the non "regular" blacks like Africans and Haitians. I take it all in love but it does get me thinking about my generation. Now, there are more mixed kids out there in the world so it's easy for kids to accept people of different races as far as mating goes (yeah I said mating lol) so I'm not worried about the future. It's the now that scares me. Race is a hard thing to discuss because it affects everyone and the conflict comes when people assume that it doesn't. I grew up in a color blind world (three white sisters, three Mexican foster sisters, a light skinned sister, a dark skinned one, a Philipino step dad and a pure Jamaican ado mom with Irish features of pale skin, green eyes and red hair, my "family" I spend all my time with now is German lol) so I feel a little wreckless in talking about color since I know and have loved people from all races as family. People are beautiful regardless what there skin looks like. And when people my age start to see beyond the physical--beyond what they have programmed themselves to believe--more people will get laid. Had to end on a lighter note lol.
"I'm not gonna spend my life being a color."
Stay beautiful inside and out!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Keepin it on the HUSH
I feel like this is my diary all of a sudden. My therapy. Cause I know I can't be the only one going through the drama I am going through. Normally I have more life altering drama like paying bills, family, and health--those things I can deal with like a super hero. But MEN are my kryptonite. I have only been dating for a year and a half and I have had nothing but issues. Maybe it's me but for this blog's sake we can't even consider that lol.
Let me tell you what this blog is about: T-shirt ex. You have to read back to The Boomerang Theory to get the details on this so go ahead and do it now....I'll wait...ok...you good? Good. So T-shirt ex has a girlfriend and I had been on and off with him for about a year and a half. We never called it dating and I always clarified when the question came up that we weren't dating. But we were doing everything but calling it dating--and I mean everything.
We stopped "not dating" when I found out he had a girlfriend through Myspace. Believe me, God looks out for me because it came at a time when I was really starting to fall for him and her picture just shined through from all the top 89 people. She had a cute short 'do like Rihanna and I wanted see more pics. Now her page is private so I couldn't see everything. But if you have one of those new layouts sometimes people can see everything but your blogs and pictures. That's how her page was. Now she was updating status's about being in love, her friends were commenting on how happy they were for her relationship and all that jazz and my babe was the only person in her top. Not the only guy in her top. The only person. Meaning homegirl had a TOP 1 and he was it. She also listed him as her most favorite artist--in that "last but not least" kinda deal. Barf city.
I called him out on it and he refused to own up to it, got all defensive and said some hurtful ish. I figured we could still move on as friends since he was my dude and told him the love games would be over. He'll call and try to act like it never happended with the usual banter and I'll play back to it but in my mind he's the worse kind of liar. That girl looks so sweet and genuinely seems to love him. I remember writing him "why risk someone you love for someone that doesn't love you?" Cheating is an awful thing. I will admit that homegirl was gorgeous about a zillion times smaller than me and she seems so sweet. So the only thing I concluded is he's using me for all I got and she must not have ish.
That was a little over a month ago. I never said anything to her. I didn't want to burst her lovely bubble. But recently I stumbled upon his twitter profile and just stumbled across hers and I been thinking about blowing his spot up so bad. I mean if she ONLY KNEW how him and I were. I really think she'd Charles Hamilton his ass. He's out there doing his thing tryna be a celebrity, enjoying life with a girl who loves him for who she thinks he is when in reality he's a lying opportunist.
In conclusion--just between us girls--what should I do? If you were her what would you want me to do? I don't want to do anything out of jealously and I don't need anymore drama. I did the right thing and cut things off but we still check in every now and then. Keeping secrets is easy but dealing with the secret is hard.
Stay beautiful inside and out.
Let me tell you what this blog is about: T-shirt ex. You have to read back to The Boomerang Theory to get the details on this so go ahead and do it now....I'll wait...ok...you good? Good. So T-shirt ex has a girlfriend and I had been on and off with him for about a year and a half. We never called it dating and I always clarified when the question came up that we weren't dating. But we were doing everything but calling it dating--and I mean everything.
We stopped "not dating" when I found out he had a girlfriend through Myspace. Believe me, God looks out for me because it came at a time when I was really starting to fall for him and her picture just shined through from all the top 89 people. She had a cute short 'do like Rihanna and I wanted see more pics. Now her page is private so I couldn't see everything. But if you have one of those new layouts sometimes people can see everything but your blogs and pictures. That's how her page was. Now she was updating status's about being in love, her friends were commenting on how happy they were for her relationship and all that jazz and my babe was the only person in her top. Not the only guy in her top. The only person. Meaning homegirl had a TOP 1 and he was it. She also listed him as her most favorite artist--in that "last but not least" kinda deal. Barf city.
I called him out on it and he refused to own up to it, got all defensive and said some hurtful ish. I figured we could still move on as friends since he was my dude and told him the love games would be over. He'll call and try to act like it never happended with the usual banter and I'll play back to it but in my mind he's the worse kind of liar. That girl looks so sweet and genuinely seems to love him. I remember writing him "why risk someone you love for someone that doesn't love you?" Cheating is an awful thing. I will admit that homegirl was gorgeous about a zillion times smaller than me and she seems so sweet. So the only thing I concluded is he's using me for all I got and she must not have ish.
That was a little over a month ago. I never said anything to her. I didn't want to burst her lovely bubble. But recently I stumbled upon his twitter profile and just stumbled across hers and I been thinking about blowing his spot up so bad. I mean if she ONLY KNEW how him and I were. I really think she'd Charles Hamilton his ass. He's out there doing his thing tryna be a celebrity, enjoying life with a girl who loves him for who she thinks he is when in reality he's a lying opportunist.
In conclusion--just between us girls--what should I do? If you were her what would you want me to do? I don't want to do anything out of jealously and I don't need anymore drama. I did the right thing and cut things off but we still check in every now and then. Keeping secrets is easy but dealing with the secret is hard.
Stay beautiful inside and out.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Boomerang Theory
I'm sitting in my aparment wearing my most recent ex's T shirt, trying to get in touch with my current babe (not the one from Boyfriend #2 lol) and talking to my first ex ever making plans to see him on Saturday(not SEE him just see him ladies--there's an event lol)
In the ex files mentioned, I came to learn that I was what Monica would call a "sideline h**" yet I still talk to these dudes almost two years later. My first ex ever--lets call him Sam-- actually was a weird one because he was a sideline but was in love with the girl. And I was the young fool who happened to meet him when they were on a break and just never could win his heart like she did. T shirt ex turned out to be a user and a coward with a girlfriend as serious as a heart attack while he stayed with me for weeks on end. Him and I had been on again and off again for a year and a half. Found out him and his girl had been together for around four years. Ouch. I know. Note to people with brains: Myspace is not your friend if you are trying to date more than one person at once. Twitter is definately not your friend either.
If you know me well, I call myself "The Repeat Offender." I never seem to date new guys just the same old heartbreakers. I guess I have this belief in The Boomerang Theory all twisted up. If you have never seen "Little Black Book" you should. Or maybe you shouldn't. It may keep you hanging on to love that should be let go. Duffy says "I know I'm wrong for hangin on..." Sometimes I feel the same way. The Boomerang Theory is you throw someone out into the world and if it's ment to be they will come back to you. How beautiful is that?
In conclusion--just between us girls--I am guilty of settling for second place with both of these men but I can't seem to stop the butterflies when I see their names on the caller ID or get sucked back in after months without communication when they think they need me again. And yes, there's two. I don't think I know who is my boomerang just yet because the signs are strangely parallel with both. Everytime T shirt ex disappears for a minute he comes back stronger than ever. Sam started out rough and mean but everytime we start talking again he is way more open and shows that he cares about me more and more.T shirt ex is fun and can play the "love game" and Sam was my first everything. He's definately man enough for me and can play the "love game" better than T shirt ex. But yeah, I'm seeing someone else now so I really shouldn't be talking about either of em.
Stay beautiful inside and out!
In the ex files mentioned, I came to learn that I was what Monica would call a "sideline h**" yet I still talk to these dudes almost two years later. My first ex ever--lets call him Sam-- actually was a weird one because he was a sideline but was in love with the girl. And I was the young fool who happened to meet him when they were on a break and just never could win his heart like she did. T shirt ex turned out to be a user and a coward with a girlfriend as serious as a heart attack while he stayed with me for weeks on end. Him and I had been on again and off again for a year and a half. Found out him and his girl had been together for around four years. Ouch. I know. Note to people with brains: Myspace is not your friend if you are trying to date more than one person at once. Twitter is definately not your friend either.
If you know me well, I call myself "The Repeat Offender." I never seem to date new guys just the same old heartbreakers. I guess I have this belief in The Boomerang Theory all twisted up. If you have never seen "Little Black Book" you should. Or maybe you shouldn't. It may keep you hanging on to love that should be let go. Duffy says "I know I'm wrong for hangin on..." Sometimes I feel the same way. The Boomerang Theory is you throw someone out into the world and if it's ment to be they will come back to you. How beautiful is that?
In conclusion--just between us girls--I am guilty of settling for second place with both of these men but I can't seem to stop the butterflies when I see their names on the caller ID or get sucked back in after months without communication when they think they need me again. And yes, there's two. I don't think I know who is my boomerang just yet because the signs are strangely parallel with both. Everytime T shirt ex disappears for a minute he comes back stronger than ever. Sam started out rough and mean but everytime we start talking again he is way more open and shows that he cares about me more and more.T shirt ex is fun and can play the "love game" and Sam was my first everything. He's definately man enough for me and can play the "love game" better than T shirt ex. But yeah, I'm seeing someone else now so I really shouldn't be talking about either of em.
Stay beautiful inside and out!
Love is the only emotion
http://www.vladtv.com/blog/9/konvict-artist-dolla-shot--killed-at-beverly-center-mall-in-la/
Another reason to live life to the fullest. You never know when your time is up. I don't get involved with rap beefs because I personally think all that mess is petty. Growing up in South Central Los Angeles I never understood why people will hurt and even kill for gang loyalty--never understood why pride pushed people to kill. At this time, what happened to the young Konvict rapper Dolla isn't officially ruled as a rap beef but that's what the rumors are. Outside of why he died, the fact he died so young is heartbreaking to me. He was on a road to success. As I have been saying, I will never understand why people do what they do. Life is a gift and to take it from someone is disgusting.
In conclusion--just between us girls--I could give a rats ass what race you are, how much money you make, what you think of me, how you hurt me because I believe in karma. And I can think of all the people who have ever hurt me in my life and say that I truly have love for them. Forgiveness is the weirdest thing. But I do view people on how they treat other people. A Twitter friend sent this to me: "It is so sad, cuz people don't understand Love is the only Emotion. Anger, hurt, fear are reactions to Love abused or misused." I wish more people thought like that.
Stay beautiful inside and out.
Another reason to live life to the fullest. You never know when your time is up. I don't get involved with rap beefs because I personally think all that mess is petty. Growing up in South Central Los Angeles I never understood why people will hurt and even kill for gang loyalty--never understood why pride pushed people to kill. At this time, what happened to the young Konvict rapper Dolla isn't officially ruled as a rap beef but that's what the rumors are. Outside of why he died, the fact he died so young is heartbreaking to me. He was on a road to success. As I have been saying, I will never understand why people do what they do. Life is a gift and to take it from someone is disgusting.
In conclusion--just between us girls--I could give a rats ass what race you are, how much money you make, what you think of me, how you hurt me because I believe in karma. And I can think of all the people who have ever hurt me in my life and say that I truly have love for them. Forgiveness is the weirdest thing. But I do view people on how they treat other people. A Twitter friend sent this to me: "It is so sad, cuz people don't understand Love is the only Emotion. Anger, hurt, fear are reactions to Love abused or misused." I wish more people thought like that.
Stay beautiful inside and out.
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