Guys Are Being Taught To Avoid YOU

I'm one to celebrate being single. And I'm one to admit I'd rather not be single. I want a certain connection and haven't found it yet and until then I really don't put any effort into looking for it. It's a simple friendship. I know I will fall in love with someone who is a friend first. That comes from my inability to let my guard down with just anyone. I think a lot of women are like me--they just want men they can trust. In today's society it's hard to assume the best about a guy (especially if he's good looking, successful, and single.)

I've been doing a lot of research to help my reader's get out of this single-dom. I know beautiful, successful, indepent women who just can't find love (me included but I know what my problem is--most of my readers don't know theirs.) It's appalling that some of us are not being approached by men for genuine long term relationships. You would think a guy would want all of those qualities in a woman. But pouring through many men's articles looking for what men want in women I unconvered some disturbing trends in advice for men about dating. They are being told what to AVOID more than they are being told what to look for. And after I got over my anger at how sexist these articles were I took the chance to notice there were valid points. I realized that even though I say I want a serious relationship I am giving off the "DON'T DATE ME/YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME HAPPY" vibe. No bueno.

 Here are the 10 most common women men are being told to avoid. Try and learn something after you calm down.

1. Feminists: Guys are being taught that these are the kind of women who blame men for everything. That feminists believe that the world would be a better place if men would allow women to be the stronger gender that they are destined to be. Men are being told that feminists treat men like shit with the understanding that men deserve it for years of oppression and will without guilt try and take their manhood. One article said she says things like "Men only think with their penises."

2. Desperate Chicks: This woman is on a countdown. She has set her mind to have kids and be married by a certain time and she doesn't care who with. Men are being taught that she is the kind of woman who wants to "trap" a man she barely knows into marrying simply because she doesn't want to be the last of her friends to do so. This woman also falls into the trap of "Instant Relationship" where a few dates or a sexual encounter has her mind racing with questions like "Why isn't he calling?" or not making plans for the weekend hoping he'll call to do something. She says she "misses" him after a few weeks of talking.

3. Gold Diggers:  This one is pretty obvious but guys are being instructed to avoid a girl who is "take take take take take." This is the kind of woman who feels that a man is supposed to pay for her drinks, dinner, flowers, luxuries, and life style. They are being told that she will use her sexuality and even sponge older guys for money--sometimes without making any commitment to one guy. She cares only for material things and will never want a lasting relationship with someone who can't afford to pay her. One article called her a "prostitute in disguise" and another say's that she's "almost repulsed by the idea that she should return any of the favors."

4. Hopeless Romantics: Seems like men think women who are overly romantic live in a fantasy world. That a hopeless romantic will expect the impossible and will never be happy because her ideal relationship cannot exist. The hopeless romatic has always considered herself a princess and wants to be catered to. If she doesn't get treated like royalty they say she becomes a "screaming nag."

5. Insecure Woman: The woman who is insecure starts out really sweet and loving, guys say. But then as the relationship goes on the insecurity causes her to be super jealous, needy, and emotional. An insecure woman needs to be constantly reminded that she is loved and that she needs to be treated like glass because she is so fragile. Men are being taught to avoid an insecure woman because she becomes full of drama, always calling her man's phone when they're apart, and looking for reasons to feed her paranoia. They call her "needy little girl" and one article had a picture of a doll covered in cotton to depict this kind of woman.

6. The Bitch: They call her "man hater" or "like a feminist--but worse." Guys are being asked to avoid being with a bitch because frankly she doesn't know how to treat people. She cares nothing of anyone else's feelings and she hates men. She thinks that they are stupid and treats them as such. The bitch is the kind of woman who has the competitiveness of a man with the sensitivity of a woman to avoid being hurt. Men are being let in on the fact that she is a good "challenge" but not someone to marry because of her attitude. She's usually really guarded and once she does open up she tends to fall into the "instant relationship" category, too. She switches from being super seductive to emotionally distant in moments making it hard to get close to her.

7. The Yapper: Good conversation is key to a guy but too much talking is annoying. Men avoid women who just talk to hear themselves talk. They never find the time to let anyone get a word in edgewise. Usually a woman who talks too much is very opinionated and not a good listener. Usually the yapper is full of gossip and other useless things as well. Someone who talks too much is seen as someone who is unable and unwilling to learn and men are being told to avoid women like this for sanity purposes.

8. The Career Woman: I didn't see this one too often but the fact that I saw it at all was startling. Apparently it's not that men are afraid of successful women but they have this fear that a career woman doesn't need them. And not even that. Guys are being told that the career woman thinks she doesn't need him. And if a woman doesn't need him why should a man be around her? A career woman has an indepence that is almost arrogant and that's seen as a huge turn off. Men like to know that a confident woman depends on him and a woman who is taking care of everything herself tends depend on no one but herself.

9. The Controlling Lady: If a woman has to have a say in what her man wears, where he goes, who he hangs out with, and what he eats she is the main woman men are being told to avoid. She always has an opinion about what her man should be doing and tends to be the one who puts down her man. Controlling women also can be subtle in her ways by refusing sex, nagging, crying, and even throwing tantrums. All articles list her as someone who is a bitchy and uses the loyatly and love of a nice guy to her advantage.

10. Elusive Chick: Men are being told that women who send mixed messages are going to be nothing but utter frustration. She plays with emotions and she may date and flirt but she never becomes exclusive with her man. They say that she "subconciously sabatages" or avoids relationships. She's been hurt in the past and carries it with her and she never will quite get to where she can fully open up again. One article went as far as to say she makes excuses to why she can't spend time and will never get a man who's interested out of "friend status." It says that she deceives herself into thinking she doesn't have time for relationships.

In conclusion--just between us girls--those were just 10 of the most common listed. I saw references to party girls and serial flirts as well. They key thing to take from all this is what we might see as positive traits men might assume the worst. A man should expect to put some effort into getting to know a woman if he has pure intentions. From what I read it sounds like men hold women who have been hurt before in a bad light. I don't think a woman can control who hurts her. Men should be more sensitive to the fact that women want to be in love and have had their hearts broken and are going to be guarded. Also men should take an active role in understanding that women are emotional. And yes, if a connection is made or she finds she's interested in a man he shouldn't be creeped out. If he's not interested in going beyond what's already there he should make that clear. If he needs time to understand how he feels about a woman who has fallen for him he needs to make that clear too.

Love is a battlefield and there are going to be wounds that need treating and time for healing, ladies. But lets not have those scars scare away our happiness. Are you guilty of any of the above? Do you have those tendancies? It's time to take some of the blame for why we are single if we really don't want to be. That's the only way we'll be able to change and get what we need. A long lasting and loving relationship.

Stay beautiful inside and out!

Fine As Wine

I like my men like I like my wine: aged, sweet, and moderately priced. I'm a sucker lately for the 35 and up men. Or maybe its because they like me. I think I've got all the features of a woman that a real man can appreciate (sorry I never understood the women with 12 year old bodies gettin any kinda play.) Maybe it is because I'm a bigger woman the older men like me but that's got nothing to really do with anything I have come to find out. Hands down I believe I'm beautiful just the way I am after years of forcing my body to be what it's just not. It took a long time and I'm finally there and I know for a fact that I can take your man if I wanted to lol. It's a funny thing to know someone for a while who I know never would give me the time of day and then to see that look on his face when I he realizes that I'm kinda hot is the greatest. That's why I never settle and I shake off dudes I know are approaching me because they think I need love like that. I gets love--BALLLLEEEEE DAT and I want someone who thinks I'm beautiful just the way I am and can appreciate the fact that I'm smart as hell and like the Beyonce says--I can definately "upgrade" him. But that's a whole other blog.

There's something about being able to have a conversation with someone that's appealing to me. I don't know if getting to know someone is a dying art but that's how I determine if a guy is worth my time or not. Playing the love game with someone is irrelevant to whether or not I can be with that person (now if we have to talk about how good it is, that's a different story.) That may sound crude but it's the truth. We all have needs. I'm attracted to the same things phyisically in any man. But I refuse to feel like I'm too good to be with any dude. "I'm known to walk alone but I'm alone for a reason." Ya'll know I used to hate on Beyonce, right? She's that chick for real though lol

In conclusion--just between us girls--does it seem like younger men are loosing the idea of "the chase?" You know, having to put in a little work before they get the goodies we all know they want? I feel like the value of a woman has decreased dramatically and maybe that has to do with the fact that the music we listen to tends to sell P as a product but back in the day (from what I hear) guys actually tried to make you like them before making "those" kinda moves. What I tend to get from older men is a little more attention in that area. Granted its not a huge improvement (don't make me elaborate...my recents will be ashamed) but the idea that I gave my number out so I can just get to know him isn't a big shocker to an older man. Maybe I'm lucky cause I get the one's with no kids OR ex wives so I don't know the true pain of being over a decade younger than the man I'm dating. But there's nothing like being with a man I wouldn't mind submitting to (yeah I said submitting--there can't be two bosses.) Today's guys need to take a lesson from the oldshchool. I want someone to make me feel like a woman should feel: treasured, respected, and beautiful. Can a girl get a little ROMANCE?

Stay beautiful inside and out!