It's come to my attention lately that guys in this town really think they're slick. And they must think women are idiots, as well. It's appalling to me how dudes try and sweet talk you into sleeping with them. How they try and make you think that they're looking for love and committment so you'll let your guard down and they can go in for the kill. Again, it's no secret that I'm a committment phobe and while I'd like to say I have been in love, I can't. I'm afraid of the trust that goes into something like that and nine times outta ten I'm dealing with some joker who thinks I'm like that next chick and is tryna run game. I'm not that next chick and you'll learn that very quickly. When all you need a man for is the love game the playing field becomes even. Chances are you think you're runnin game on me but you can't run game on someone that already knows the plays homie. So I decided to compile a list for the fellas (feel free to add on what you think too ladies) to let them know we're on to them.
Wife Me: He calls almost everyday to see how I'm doing. If he doesn't call, he's at least texting--or tweeting.
One Night Me: He only calls once every few weeks. Tries to act like he's been so busy but been thinking about you. Asks if he can "come through" later.
Wife Me: He returns calls and texts in a timely manner. Contacts you more before midnight than he does after midnight.
One Night Me: Never returns calls or texts and if he does its always after midnight and usually sounds like "So what you gettin into"
Wife Me: He holds my hand, the inside of my elbow, the small of my back.
One Night Me: He grabs my ass, tries to touch my boobs, or actually does touch them.
Wife Me: The conversation usually consists of things that matter to me, to him, or to the world.
One Night Me: Always sexually oriented conversations
Wife Me: Sends me pics of himself doing silly things or seeing silly things
One Night Me: Asks me to send "Cassie shots"
Wife Me: Kisses me on the mouth after a good love game
One Night Me: Hugs me when he's leaving after the love game
Wife Me: Makes sure that I get mine if he get's his
One Night Me: Gets his and goes to sleep. Doesn't even gear up for round two.
Wife Me: Calls me beautiful
One Night Me: Calls me sexy
Wife Me: Invites me out on a date where we can get to know eachother
One Night Me: Wants to come over and chill or go over and chill
Wife Me: Would rather hold off talking about sex early into knowing me
One Night Me: Pretends to be curious about "what I can do" claims to be a "sexual person"
Wife Me: Likes more things about me than the physical
One Night Me: Knows nothing about me but the physical
Wife Me: Kisses me on the mouth
One Night Me: Kisses me on the cheek
Wife Me: Comes out to the club to see me, chill with me, drink with me
One Night Me: Bounces around the club with all different kinds of girls getting numbers till he stumbles across me
Wife Me: Treats me like a friend
One Night Me: Treats me like his toy
Lord knows I could go on the basic gist is this: there is a difference in how you treat a girl you want to be with and a girl you just want to sleep with. Guys seem to think the game plan is the same but it's the subtle differences that give it away and should let you know where you stand with that man in your life ladies. Especially if you aren't official. I'm a show and prove kind of girl. And if you start running in one direction I'm gonna drag you the whole way down. Say what you mean to say and be direct. I don't know where they make girls that don't know the difference or think that you can go from being the hoe to the housewife. If I think a guy sees me as a hoe, I see him as a hoe and treat him accordingly. You may have thought you had me sucked in but check your call log homie. The proof is in the pudding.
Stay beautiful inside and out
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Respect My Hustle
If you happen to read every new blog I post you know that I have been stressing a lot lately over this business and trying to make sure the bumps along the way don't completely run me of the road. Things are hard in life--I know from first hand experience. But I've always come out on top. When I tell you what my dreams are I'm predicting my future. I never say I want something and don't get it. That happens because I hustle.
I've noticed a lot lately that everyone claims to be a "hustler" or that they're grinding. The thing that bothers me about it is people want to throw around those terms and get respect for them. People also see lack of results as a lack of a true hustle--which is incorrect. The act of hustling or grinding is always the process. Your results don't make you a hustler. The progress in your process does.
Sad to say I rarely respect anyone's hustle. Because I truly hustle. From the time I was very young I had a broader understanding of life than most adults do. I was put into a situation that most people wouldn't have the strength to survive. Or if they survived they'd just repeat the process of their parents. Both my parents were on drugs heavy at a young age. My mom was on the streets at 14 when her mother died. That was all she knew. I never had a doubt that she loved me though. Even when it took us almost two decades to be reunited I welcomed her back with open arms and instant forgiveness. I believe that drugs are powerful and very few people have the will power to overcome them. Of course the choice is up to the individual but each person isn't given the same script in life. I refuse to fault people for choices when their situations are tough. But I also don't exuse them. If I did, I'd be a completely different woman today.
I was born unconscious--I even read "dead" on some of the files about me--with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. I've always thought that was the reason I was such a skinny and frail looking kid. I wasn't pretty and I definately didn't have flashy things. I learned very quickly that I could get praise, recognition and stand apart from most if I was smart. I loved to have the praise and respect of people I praised and respected. And I carried that with me through my whole life. Education was my ticket to be something greater. In addition God had given me the talent to sing. And that also became my passion in life. But I digress...I was adopted into a crazy mess of a situation and of those who know what foster care is like just amplify that situation by the fact no social workers would come to visit anymore and check on things. Without being disrespectful to the person who did raise me and the woman it took years to forgive I'll just say the abuse was overwhelming. And I know the difference between correcting a child and abuse. But beyond the physical it was the verbal abuse that I think had me and my five adopted sisters the most screwed up. Being told that no one wanted you in the first place so you should be lucky to have even the little scraps of things can really hinder your self esteem. To this day I struggle with reminding myself that I'm worth more than people try to tell me.
Again, I excelled in school, took to my faith, and taught myself how to write songs and how to sing them. Now I'm not saying I was a saint. I'm saying this was my hustle. I took the hard way. I did the right things and didn't let my circumstances control my destiny. Remember, I have five adopted sisters. Some chose drugs, some chose promiscuity, some chose to succumb to someone's image of them as nothing and some chose to not speak on it at all. It's easy to brag about what you have in life when you never had to fight for it. It's even easier to brag about what you have if you never had to do what's right for it. Everything I have I earned. I worked for. It was never handed to me. I can look around my whole entire apartment and see things I paid for--things I worked for. I remember washing dishes till 3am at McDonalds when I was 15 so I could afford my food, clothes, rent--yes rent--and still get the things I needed for school that the person who was supposed to provide for me wouldn't. I was always taking classes a few grades more advanced and making my mark doing community service and trying hard to catch up to the priveledged kids that surrounded me in school on a daily basis. Do you know I was never allowed to join chorus in school because of additional costs? I did my sophomore year because I paid for my own things. That was the most intimidating thing. To join the state's top choir and be surrounded by girls who had vocal coaches and been to Broadway and knew the art of classical singing and jazz singing. I had never even imagined all the history and techniques behind singing at that time. But I wasn't satisfied with just being in the chorus class but I wanted to be in the exclusive groups with all those girls, too. And I did it. First year in chorus I got a coveted solo in a Women's Ensemble for all of our Christmas shows. I can still remember how shocked people were when my teacher chose me. I live for that feeling.
In conclusion--just between us girls--I don't respect anyone's hustle who had situations handed to them. Oprah is a true hustler to me. Mary J. Blige is a true hustler to me. I even respect the Kardashian women because they took their privelege and they work to make a name for themselves. I'm not saying you didn't work hard if you had a better life--I'm saying you're not as strong as the person who didn't. Beyonce has nothing on Keyshia Cole's hustle. And some of you ladies out here rocking all the labels, driving fancy cars, and spending a lot of someone elses money are the first to look down on others not knowing what they went through to have the little they have. Then you wanna call yourself a diva. You know, its way easier to abort your kid if you get pregnant at a young age than it is to have him and raise him. I respect the women who do that. The women who work shit jobs because they understand the benefits for their kids. I respect the hustle of those who come from nothing and become something. I respect women to understand the strength behind education, earning their own, and having a skill. So don't tell me you work hard. Don't tell me you're grinding. Don't tell me to look at all you have. Cause I know what I had to go through to get what I have and it wasn't easy at all. I love and admire my mom for having a hustle most of you wouldn't dream. She cleaned up her life and has been clean for over a decade. She came and searched for me and filled that missing piece in my heart. To this day if I need anything I know I could call her. She's in school now, working overtime every week, owns her own house and is the boss lady of her family. Ladies, it's about time we stop throwing around the word "hustle" and respect the women who actually do. This blog is not even a pin drop of the things I have had to overcome in life. Don't put me on the same level as you when you know my will power has been tried and tested and strengthened and you never even had to use yours.
Stay beautiful inside and out!
I've noticed a lot lately that everyone claims to be a "hustler" or that they're grinding. The thing that bothers me about it is people want to throw around those terms and get respect for them. People also see lack of results as a lack of a true hustle--which is incorrect. The act of hustling or grinding is always the process. Your results don't make you a hustler. The progress in your process does.
Sad to say I rarely respect anyone's hustle. Because I truly hustle. From the time I was very young I had a broader understanding of life than most adults do. I was put into a situation that most people wouldn't have the strength to survive. Or if they survived they'd just repeat the process of their parents. Both my parents were on drugs heavy at a young age. My mom was on the streets at 14 when her mother died. That was all she knew. I never had a doubt that she loved me though. Even when it took us almost two decades to be reunited I welcomed her back with open arms and instant forgiveness. I believe that drugs are powerful and very few people have the will power to overcome them. Of course the choice is up to the individual but each person isn't given the same script in life. I refuse to fault people for choices when their situations are tough. But I also don't exuse them. If I did, I'd be a completely different woman today.
I was born unconscious--I even read "dead" on some of the files about me--with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. I've always thought that was the reason I was such a skinny and frail looking kid. I wasn't pretty and I definately didn't have flashy things. I learned very quickly that I could get praise, recognition and stand apart from most if I was smart. I loved to have the praise and respect of people I praised and respected. And I carried that with me through my whole life. Education was my ticket to be something greater. In addition God had given me the talent to sing. And that also became my passion in life. But I digress...I was adopted into a crazy mess of a situation and of those who know what foster care is like just amplify that situation by the fact no social workers would come to visit anymore and check on things. Without being disrespectful to the person who did raise me and the woman it took years to forgive I'll just say the abuse was overwhelming. And I know the difference between correcting a child and abuse. But beyond the physical it was the verbal abuse that I think had me and my five adopted sisters the most screwed up. Being told that no one wanted you in the first place so you should be lucky to have even the little scraps of things can really hinder your self esteem. To this day I struggle with reminding myself that I'm worth more than people try to tell me.
Again, I excelled in school, took to my faith, and taught myself how to write songs and how to sing them. Now I'm not saying I was a saint. I'm saying this was my hustle. I took the hard way. I did the right things and didn't let my circumstances control my destiny. Remember, I have five adopted sisters. Some chose drugs, some chose promiscuity, some chose to succumb to someone's image of them as nothing and some chose to not speak on it at all. It's easy to brag about what you have in life when you never had to fight for it. It's even easier to brag about what you have if you never had to do what's right for it. Everything I have I earned. I worked for. It was never handed to me. I can look around my whole entire apartment and see things I paid for--things I worked for. I remember washing dishes till 3am at McDonalds when I was 15 so I could afford my food, clothes, rent--yes rent--and still get the things I needed for school that the person who was supposed to provide for me wouldn't. I was always taking classes a few grades more advanced and making my mark doing community service and trying hard to catch up to the priveledged kids that surrounded me in school on a daily basis. Do you know I was never allowed to join chorus in school because of additional costs? I did my sophomore year because I paid for my own things. That was the most intimidating thing. To join the state's top choir and be surrounded by girls who had vocal coaches and been to Broadway and knew the art of classical singing and jazz singing. I had never even imagined all the history and techniques behind singing at that time. But I wasn't satisfied with just being in the chorus class but I wanted to be in the exclusive groups with all those girls, too. And I did it. First year in chorus I got a coveted solo in a Women's Ensemble for all of our Christmas shows. I can still remember how shocked people were when my teacher chose me. I live for that feeling.
In conclusion--just between us girls--I don't respect anyone's hustle who had situations handed to them. Oprah is a true hustler to me. Mary J. Blige is a true hustler to me. I even respect the Kardashian women because they took their privelege and they work to make a name for themselves. I'm not saying you didn't work hard if you had a better life--I'm saying you're not as strong as the person who didn't. Beyonce has nothing on Keyshia Cole's hustle. And some of you ladies out here rocking all the labels, driving fancy cars, and spending a lot of someone elses money are the first to look down on others not knowing what they went through to have the little they have. Then you wanna call yourself a diva. You know, its way easier to abort your kid if you get pregnant at a young age than it is to have him and raise him. I respect the women who do that. The women who work shit jobs because they understand the benefits for their kids. I respect the hustle of those who come from nothing and become something. I respect women to understand the strength behind education, earning their own, and having a skill. So don't tell me you work hard. Don't tell me you're grinding. Don't tell me to look at all you have. Cause I know what I had to go through to get what I have and it wasn't easy at all. I love and admire my mom for having a hustle most of you wouldn't dream. She cleaned up her life and has been clean for over a decade. She came and searched for me and filled that missing piece in my heart. To this day if I need anything I know I could call her. She's in school now, working overtime every week, owns her own house and is the boss lady of her family. Ladies, it's about time we stop throwing around the word "hustle" and respect the women who actually do. This blog is not even a pin drop of the things I have had to overcome in life. Don't put me on the same level as you when you know my will power has been tried and tested and strengthened and you never even had to use yours.
Stay beautiful inside and out!
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