Guys Are Being Taught To Avoid YOU

I'm one to celebrate being single. And I'm one to admit I'd rather not be single. I want a certain connection and haven't found it yet and until then I really don't put any effort into looking for it. It's a simple friendship. I know I will fall in love with someone who is a friend first. That comes from my inability to let my guard down with just anyone. I think a lot of women are like me--they just want men they can trust. In today's society it's hard to assume the best about a guy (especially if he's good looking, successful, and single.)

I've been doing a lot of research to help my reader's get out of this single-dom. I know beautiful, successful, indepent women who just can't find love (me included but I know what my problem is--most of my readers don't know theirs.) It's appalling that some of us are not being approached by men for genuine long term relationships. You would think a guy would want all of those qualities in a woman. But pouring through many men's articles looking for what men want in women I unconvered some disturbing trends in advice for men about dating. They are being told what to AVOID more than they are being told what to look for. And after I got over my anger at how sexist these articles were I took the chance to notice there were valid points. I realized that even though I say I want a serious relationship I am giving off the "DON'T DATE ME/YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME HAPPY" vibe. No bueno.

 Here are the 10 most common women men are being told to avoid. Try and learn something after you calm down.

1. Feminists: Guys are being taught that these are the kind of women who blame men for everything. That feminists believe that the world would be a better place if men would allow women to be the stronger gender that they are destined to be. Men are being told that feminists treat men like shit with the understanding that men deserve it for years of oppression and will without guilt try and take their manhood. One article said she says things like "Men only think with their penises."

2. Desperate Chicks: This woman is on a countdown. She has set her mind to have kids and be married by a certain time and she doesn't care who with. Men are being taught that she is the kind of woman who wants to "trap" a man she barely knows into marrying simply because she doesn't want to be the last of her friends to do so. This woman also falls into the trap of "Instant Relationship" where a few dates or a sexual encounter has her mind racing with questions like "Why isn't he calling?" or not making plans for the weekend hoping he'll call to do something. She says she "misses" him after a few weeks of talking.

3. Gold Diggers:  This one is pretty obvious but guys are being instructed to avoid a girl who is "take take take take take." This is the kind of woman who feels that a man is supposed to pay for her drinks, dinner, flowers, luxuries, and life style. They are being told that she will use her sexuality and even sponge older guys for money--sometimes without making any commitment to one guy. She cares only for material things and will never want a lasting relationship with someone who can't afford to pay her. One article called her a "prostitute in disguise" and another say's that she's "almost repulsed by the idea that she should return any of the favors."

4. Hopeless Romantics: Seems like men think women who are overly romantic live in a fantasy world. That a hopeless romantic will expect the impossible and will never be happy because her ideal relationship cannot exist. The hopeless romatic has always considered herself a princess and wants to be catered to. If she doesn't get treated like royalty they say she becomes a "screaming nag."

5. Insecure Woman: The woman who is insecure starts out really sweet and loving, guys say. But then as the relationship goes on the insecurity causes her to be super jealous, needy, and emotional. An insecure woman needs to be constantly reminded that she is loved and that she needs to be treated like glass because she is so fragile. Men are being taught to avoid an insecure woman because she becomes full of drama, always calling her man's phone when they're apart, and looking for reasons to feed her paranoia. They call her "needy little girl" and one article had a picture of a doll covered in cotton to depict this kind of woman.

6. The Bitch: They call her "man hater" or "like a feminist--but worse." Guys are being asked to avoid being with a bitch because frankly she doesn't know how to treat people. She cares nothing of anyone else's feelings and she hates men. She thinks that they are stupid and treats them as such. The bitch is the kind of woman who has the competitiveness of a man with the sensitivity of a woman to avoid being hurt. Men are being let in on the fact that she is a good "challenge" but not someone to marry because of her attitude. She's usually really guarded and once she does open up she tends to fall into the "instant relationship" category, too. She switches from being super seductive to emotionally distant in moments making it hard to get close to her.

7. The Yapper: Good conversation is key to a guy but too much talking is annoying. Men avoid women who just talk to hear themselves talk. They never find the time to let anyone get a word in edgewise. Usually a woman who talks too much is very opinionated and not a good listener. Usually the yapper is full of gossip and other useless things as well. Someone who talks too much is seen as someone who is unable and unwilling to learn and men are being told to avoid women like this for sanity purposes.

8. The Career Woman: I didn't see this one too often but the fact that I saw it at all was startling. Apparently it's not that men are afraid of successful women but they have this fear that a career woman doesn't need them. And not even that. Guys are being told that the career woman thinks she doesn't need him. And if a woman doesn't need him why should a man be around her? A career woman has an indepence that is almost arrogant and that's seen as a huge turn off. Men like to know that a confident woman depends on him and a woman who is taking care of everything herself tends depend on no one but herself.

9. The Controlling Lady: If a woman has to have a say in what her man wears, where he goes, who he hangs out with, and what he eats she is the main woman men are being told to avoid. She always has an opinion about what her man should be doing and tends to be the one who puts down her man. Controlling women also can be subtle in her ways by refusing sex, nagging, crying, and even throwing tantrums. All articles list her as someone who is a bitchy and uses the loyatly and love of a nice guy to her advantage.

10. Elusive Chick: Men are being told that women who send mixed messages are going to be nothing but utter frustration. She plays with emotions and she may date and flirt but she never becomes exclusive with her man. They say that she "subconciously sabatages" or avoids relationships. She's been hurt in the past and carries it with her and she never will quite get to where she can fully open up again. One article went as far as to say she makes excuses to why she can't spend time and will never get a man who's interested out of "friend status." It says that she deceives herself into thinking she doesn't have time for relationships.

In conclusion--just between us girls--those were just 10 of the most common listed. I saw references to party girls and serial flirts as well. They key thing to take from all this is what we might see as positive traits men might assume the worst. A man should expect to put some effort into getting to know a woman if he has pure intentions. From what I read it sounds like men hold women who have been hurt before in a bad light. I don't think a woman can control who hurts her. Men should be more sensitive to the fact that women want to be in love and have had their hearts broken and are going to be guarded. Also men should take an active role in understanding that women are emotional. And yes, if a connection is made or she finds she's interested in a man he shouldn't be creeped out. If he's not interested in going beyond what's already there he should make that clear. If he needs time to understand how he feels about a woman who has fallen for him he needs to make that clear too.

Love is a battlefield and there are going to be wounds that need treating and time for healing, ladies. But lets not have those scars scare away our happiness. Are you guilty of any of the above? Do you have those tendancies? It's time to take some of the blame for why we are single if we really don't want to be. That's the only way we'll be able to change and get what we need. A long lasting and loving relationship.

Stay beautiful inside and out!

Where the MEN at?

My good friend DJ Skream posted on Twitter "being single is not the same as being independent" and he was right. But in my case I am both and it's been a blessing and a curse. All I know is the men--excuse me--fellas out here in Orlando really need to step their game up. I'm just saying. Just because I don't need anything financially from you doesn't mean that you get to leave the traditional male role mentality at my front door. I always dreamed of being a part of a power couple like Barack and Michelle, Brad and Angelina, or Jay and Beyonce. Now it seems like any guy I meet who sees that I have my own car, my own place, no kids, and my own money just wants a free ride.

Now I'm all about taking care of mine and nothing makes me happier than giving but I'm so over having to deal with the "Gimme Guys." Really? We been dating for how long now and you still haven't offered to take me out or cook for me and I have been doing that for you? Not cool. You know who you are. I also hate how guys expect to get some without putting in any effort. I mean can you at least PRETEND you want to get to know me? Then they act all mad when you keep the goodies in the jar. Whatever. I got this one dude who used to text me at bootycall hours all the time and he never ONCE asked me to do anything in the daytime. Never once. Since he doesn't have a car I just pretended I forgot one night and told him to drive on over. Haven't gotten a text since.

I understand what it is a woman is supposed to do in a relationship. I'm old fashioned like that. But you gotta enhance my life or get on the next flight cause I don't have time to deal with free loaders--lames--losers--SCRUBS (lmao I remember that song) because I'm on my Miss Independent movement.

There was a time when it was okay to be a female who just got by on her looks and linked up with a successful man but times have changed. It's all about women making it happen for themselves and being proud of it. I don't know if its just here in Orlando but that scale has tipped and now the guys seem to be gold digging. And I know it may seem shallow but you wouldn't say that if you knew what I went through lol. I think its fair to expect the guy I'm with to match my swag and then some.

In conclusion--just between us girls--I know we need love no matter how much we are expected to be Superwomen. But does that mean we have to settle and put up with fellas that aren't worth our time? Trust me, I will be the first to admit I have been guilty of it and I know some of you reading right now are looking over at your dude with that look in your eye lol. Fabulous says "a man is supposed to help you out with the groceries" in his song "Throw it in da Bag" and I believe that. A women should never do more for her dude than he is doing for her.

Stay beautiful inside and out!