Swizz+Alicia+Mashonda=Twitter Triangle

Ugh! This hurts me to my heart! But ugh *clutches chest* I can't believe that this is truly what the love between two of my most favorite artists has become. I just had to speak on it. To quote Swizz I am "gossiping about things [I] know nothing about" but I decided to do it since it's a perfect triangle that relates to us women. I had a great conversation about it via a friend on Twitter who has the complete opposite opinion as I do. And thus I was motivated to write this blog.

As a Twitter freakazoid I actually responded to Alicia Keys tweet: “Having a heated debate n the studio. Question is…N love is it better to go 4 the choice that is ‘SMART’ or the choice that has ‘SPARK’??” I responded something along the lines "I'm looking for SMART but still miss my SPARK" and I'm sure there was a emoticon somewhere in that tweet as well. If you follow my blog you know that I have a constant thing for my very first love that I can't seem to shake. But it just never seems to work with us. Well, that little tweet from Keys ignited a plethora of feelings for Mashonda, Swizz Beatz's wife. (Read the letter here http://www.rap-up.com/2009/09/26/mashondas-open-letter-to-alicia-keys/ )

If you've been living under a rock, you may not know that my favorite celebrity Swizz Beatz and my favorite singer Alicia Keys have been keeping their relationship under wraps for about two years. As Swizz seeks divorce Mashonda stated from the jump that she had no idea her marriage was in trouble and that Keys had been the cause of the demise of her marriage. When I first caught wind of the drama I was happy for Swizz. I mean Alicia Keys is beautiful, talented, a strong, creative woman. I think men should be paired with women who mirror their intangible traits. That makes for stronger bonds and better understanding. I wanted Swizz to be happy and since apparently Keys isn't a lesbian I thought she was the perfect fit for a talented and artisitc indivual as Swizz. I remembered saying that Mashonda wasn't handling her wifely duties and must have been preoccupied to not know the marriage was in trouble. I put the blame on her. I even laughed when Swizz commented that it wasn't a big deal "people get divorced every fuckin day." That was before I got Mashonda's story.

Now I'm deflated and disappointed at both Swizz and Alicia. I truly had no idea that Mashonda had just had a child and I did not know that she wanted to try and hold on to her husband and her marriage. I never really thought about what it means to take vows and to have them challenged. Aren't you supposed to try and work it out? I think she has every right to be bitter. I think she has every right to lash out. Do I think it's appropriate to do it on Twitter? Maybe not but I'm glad she had the guts to say "You stole my husband but because I'm the mother of his child we have to come to some understanding."

In conclusion-just between us girls-when do we let the guilty take the blame? I'd be a hypocrite if I let Swizz off the hook in this whole thing. One thing I always say is married men are a complete turn off for me. I try and respect my fellow female by not approaching what is clearly out of reach. What makes another woman disregard that wedding ring I will never know. It's not like she just slept with him either. She stole him. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad to think about. Alicia Keys saw what she wanted and went after it. My heart wants to believe she tried to say no but the "sparks" were just to much to overcome. Now I don't believe for one second that Mashonda should be to blame for this whole thing. We can rationalize why Swizz cheated but we can't pretend that marriage is all sunshine and rainbows. When you get married you're supposed to work through problems, keep your eye on your spouse, focus on keeping that bond that wanted to you promise your life to another in the first place. Celebrities are human and that's so clear from this situation. We can learn from them, relate to them, and hopefully avoid making the same mistakes. Ladies, let's be true to ourselves, each other, and then the men. Because like I say-we let men get away with so much.

Stay beautiful inside and out!

Keepin it on the HUSH

I feel like this is my diary all of a sudden. My therapy. Cause I know I can't be the only one going through the drama I am going through. Normally I have more life altering drama like paying bills, family, and health--those things I can deal with like a super hero. But MEN are my kryptonite. I have only been dating for a year and a half and I have had nothing but issues. Maybe it's me but for this blog's sake we can't even consider that lol.

Let me tell you what this blog is about: T-shirt ex. You have to read back to The Boomerang Theory to get the details on this so go ahead and do it now....I'll wait...ok...you good? Good. So T-shirt ex has a girlfriend and I had been on and off with him for about a year and a half. We never called it dating and I always clarified when the question came up that we weren't dating. But we were doing everything but calling it dating--and I mean everything.

We stopped "not dating" when I found out he had a girlfriend through Myspace. Believe me, God looks out for me because it came at a time when I was really starting to fall for him and her picture just shined through from all the top 89 people. She had a cute short 'do like Rihanna and I wanted see more pics. Now her page is private so I couldn't see everything. But if you have one of those new layouts sometimes people can see everything but your blogs and pictures. That's how her page was. Now she was updating status's about being in love, her friends were commenting on how happy they were for her relationship and all that jazz and my babe was the only person in her top. Not the only guy in her top. The only person. Meaning homegirl had a TOP 1 and he was it. She also listed him as her most favorite artist--in that "last but not least" kinda deal. Barf city.

I called him out on it and he refused to own up to it, got all defensive and said some hurtful ish. I figured we could still move on as friends since he was my dude and told him the love games would be over. He'll call and try to act like it never happended with the usual banter and I'll play back to it but in my mind he's the worse kind of liar. That girl looks so sweet and genuinely seems to love him. I remember writing him "why risk someone you love for someone that doesn't love you?" Cheating is an awful thing. I will admit that homegirl was gorgeous about a zillion times smaller than me and she seems so sweet. So the only thing I concluded is he's using me for all I got and she must not have ish.

That was a little over a month ago. I never said anything to her. I didn't want to burst her lovely bubble. But recently I stumbled upon his twitter profile and just stumbled across hers and I been thinking about blowing his spot up so bad. I mean if she ONLY KNEW how him and I were. I really think she'd Charles Hamilton his ass. He's out there doing his thing tryna be a celebrity, enjoying life with a girl who loves him for who she thinks he is when in reality he's a lying opportunist.

In conclusion--just between us girls--what should I do? If you were her what would you want me to do? I don't want to do anything out of jealously and I don't need anymore drama. I did the right thing and cut things off but we still check in every now and then. Keeping secrets is easy but dealing with the secret is hard.

Stay beautiful inside and out.

The Boomerang Theory

I'm sitting in my aparment wearing my most recent ex's T shirt, trying to get in touch with my current babe (not the one from Boyfriend #2 lol) and talking to my first ex ever making plans to see him on Saturday(not SEE him just see him ladies--there's an event lol)

In the ex files mentioned, I came to learn that I was what Monica would call a "sideline h**" yet I still talk to these dudes almost two years later. My first ex ever--lets call him Sam-- actually was a weird one because he was a sideline but was in love with the girl. And I was the young fool who happened to meet him when they were on a break and just never could win his heart like she did. T shirt ex turned out to be a user and a coward with a girlfriend as serious as a heart attack while he stayed with me for weeks on end. Him and I had been on again and off again for a year and a half. Found out him and his girl had been together for around four years. Ouch. I know. Note to people with brains: Myspace is not your friend if you are trying to date more than one person at once. Twitter is definately not your friend either.

If you know me well, I call myself "The Repeat Offender." I never seem to date new guys just the same old heartbreakers. I guess I have this belief in The Boomerang Theory all twisted up. If you have never seen "Little Black Book" you should. Or maybe you shouldn't. It may keep you hanging on to love that should be let go. Duffy says "I know I'm wrong for hangin on..." Sometimes I feel the same way. The Boomerang Theory is you throw someone out into the world and if it's ment to be they will come back to you. How beautiful is that?

In conclusion--just between us girls--I am guilty of settling for second place with both of these men but I can't seem to stop the butterflies when I see their names on the caller ID or get sucked back in after months without communication when they think they need me again. And yes, there's two. I don't think I know who is my boomerang just yet because the signs are strangely parallel with both. Everytime T shirt ex disappears for a minute he comes back stronger than ever. Sam started out rough and mean but everytime we start talking again he is way more open and shows that he cares about me more and more.T shirt ex is fun and can play the "love game" and Sam was my first everything. He's definately man enough for me and can play the "love game" better than T shirt ex. But yeah, I'm seeing someone else now so I really shouldn't be talking about either of em.

Stay beautiful inside and out!

Boyfriend #2

I never thought that I would understand why a woman would cheat. I mean I see gorgeous girls turn away gorgeous guys at the clubs all the time. When I'm with someone all I can think about is being with that person or seeing that person and all the boys in my phone seem to disappear. As long as we are getting love and affection from the man we love aren't we in it til the end?

When that Boyfriend #2 song by PleasureP came out I was dead set on the fact that if a woman has to cheat on her man she will eventually leave him. That there was no such thing as Boyfriend #2. That only MEN did dirty rotten things like that--until recently. I met this wonderful guy, so nice and sweet. He was funny, talented, ambitious and had a gorgeous dog. He cooked for me and said all the right things--you know what I mean ladies--the kinda guy that makes you say "awwww" after everything, the kinda guy that holds you just right so you melt right into him, the kinda guy who treats you like you hung the moon--I mean we just vibed. I thought I finally had a sigh of relief to let loose.

Then came time for the "love game" if you know what I mean. And he STRUCK OUT! Bless his heart he struck out. I literally was rolling my eyes--I know that's awful but I could not wait for the clock to run out on this one. Of course, I never let him feel like less than a man because I would never want anyone to make me feel like that but DAYUM. Now I'm not sure what to do. I love the way he makes me feel but he doesn't give me somethin I can feel...

In conclusion--just between us girls--I like his company but I'm a woman with needs. It's always the ones you find out have girlfriends or the ones you find out are slutty that seem to get the job done. Maybe it's because they have more practice? In this day of disease, (of course no woman should be without protection--carry condoms ladies) the idea of a Boyfriend #2 is kinda gross and I grew up a good girl waiting for marriage so I'm trained to be a one man woman but REALLY? What's a girl to do?

Stay beautiful inside and out!