Bathroom Etiquette: Boy's Edition

If I could be the Pause Police for lames in clubs across America I would be fining men right and left. Last month there was Bathroom Etiquette for ladies. The male edition is a lot more serious. Guys have about 30 seconds to get on a girls good side and 98% of the time they get shut down in less then ten. We ladies assume that guys in the club only want one thing. And we're not mad at that. We're mad at how you go about getting it. Fellas, here are your Do's and Don'ts.

Warning: If you are a man and you regularly break any of these rules, you are a lame.

DONT TOUCH: I didn't get all dressed up for you to feel all over me. C'mon, you can look all you want but DON'T touch. Can you honestly say you got a positive response from doing that fellas?

DONT SNEAK N FREAK: That's when you see a girl you like and you just come up behind her and start dancing. It's annoying to have to make the "Who the hell is behind me?!?!" face to my girls and then have them go into rescue mode. You may get a mercy grind or two but that's only cause I'm waitin for the next down beat to get away from your pervy ass.

DONT IGNORE THE GROUP: If you see a girl you like the last thing you want to do is alienate her friends. We instinctively assume that she doesn't want you around and will invent a bathroom break or need for another drink.

DONT TALK ABOUT SEX: Talking about sex when you meet a girl at the club is the ultimate sign of disrespect. I always feel insulted and disgusted when that happens to me. I also feel self conscious about how I'm dressed too cause I always wonder if I'm giving off a cheap girl vibe. Of course I'm not but I wonder...lol

DONT ASK ME TO BUY YOU A DRINK: And don't ask for a sip of my drink. That's the lamest thing you can do. I will give you the meanest screw face and walk way. It's not even a funny joke.

DONT IGNORE MY MAN: If I tell you I have a boyfriend or a husband I am politely saying I'm not interested. It's a poor reflection of your character to say "Who cares" or "Can't you have a friend?" If I wanted to cheat on my man with you, I wouldn't have mentioned him. Read that again. IF I WANTED TO CHEAT ON MY MAN WITH YOU, I WOULDN'T HAVE MENTIONED HIM.

DO INTRODUCE YOURSELF: I can never be rude to someone who comes up to me and introduces themself. We're almost programmed to stop and shake hands in that situation. It's way less threatening than being touched by someone you don't know.

DO ASK FOR A DANCE: You may get rejected but if you don't you can't deny that dancing with someone who actually agrees to dance with you is more fun than the sneak n freak.

DO MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE GROUP: If we like you, we're more likely to let our girl have her time with you and we may even be on your side when you finally ask our girl to dance.

DO BUY ME A DRINK: Now I only say that in the case you spill my drink. In these days I'm sure if you offer to buy a girl a drink she'll either decline, think you want to take advantage of her with roofies, or assume you are gonna buy for her whole crew lol. I hate when a guy spills my drink and just looks at me. Not a good look.

DO COMPLIMENT RESPECTFULLY: I go out and show out so I appreciate compliments. They make me feel good. If I make you wanna take me home and play the love game you don't have to tell me that. Find another way to let me know you like how I look without touching or creeping me out. Compliments are the easiest and safest way to do that.

DO ASK FOR THE NUMBER: It's always sad when I meet a cutie who does all the right things and vibe and he doesn't ask for the number. If you've been getting positive responses all night, chances are the number is yours.

DO ASK FOR A DATE: The only place that's acceptable to invite a girl to that same night is Dennys (or your favorite food stop that's open 24 hours.) You get so many more points if you call the next day and ask to meet in a neutral location.

You'll find that the basic theme is RESPECT. If we feel respected, you're less likely to be rejected.

Boyfriend #2

I never thought that I would understand why a woman would cheat. I mean I see gorgeous girls turn away gorgeous guys at the clubs all the time. When I'm with someone all I can think about is being with that person or seeing that person and all the boys in my phone seem to disappear. As long as we are getting love and affection from the man we love aren't we in it til the end?

When that Boyfriend #2 song by PleasureP came out I was dead set on the fact that if a woman has to cheat on her man she will eventually leave him. That there was no such thing as Boyfriend #2. That only MEN did dirty rotten things like that--until recently. I met this wonderful guy, so nice and sweet. He was funny, talented, ambitious and had a gorgeous dog. He cooked for me and said all the right things--you know what I mean ladies--the kinda guy that makes you say "awwww" after everything, the kinda guy that holds you just right so you melt right into him, the kinda guy who treats you like you hung the moon--I mean we just vibed. I thought I finally had a sigh of relief to let loose.

Then came time for the "love game" if you know what I mean. And he STRUCK OUT! Bless his heart he struck out. I literally was rolling my eyes--I know that's awful but I could not wait for the clock to run out on this one. Of course, I never let him feel like less than a man because I would never want anyone to make me feel like that but DAYUM. Now I'm not sure what to do. I love the way he makes me feel but he doesn't give me somethin I can feel...

In conclusion--just between us girls--I like his company but I'm a woman with needs. It's always the ones you find out have girlfriends or the ones you find out are slutty that seem to get the job done. Maybe it's because they have more practice? In this day of disease, (of course no woman should be without protection--carry condoms ladies) the idea of a Boyfriend #2 is kinda gross and I grew up a good girl waiting for marriage so I'm trained to be a one man woman but REALLY? What's a girl to do?

Stay beautiful inside and out!