Bathroom Etiquette: Boy's Edition

If I could be the Pause Police for lames in clubs across America I would be fining men right and left. Last month there was Bathroom Etiquette for ladies. The male edition is a lot more serious. Guys have about 30 seconds to get on a girls good side and 98% of the time they get shut down in less then ten. We ladies assume that guys in the club only want one thing. And we're not mad at that. We're mad at how you go about getting it. Fellas, here are your Do's and Don'ts.

Warning: If you are a man and you regularly break any of these rules, you are a lame.

DONT TOUCH: I didn't get all dressed up for you to feel all over me. C'mon, you can look all you want but DON'T touch. Can you honestly say you got a positive response from doing that fellas?

DONT SNEAK N FREAK: That's when you see a girl you like and you just come up behind her and start dancing. It's annoying to have to make the "Who the hell is behind me?!?!" face to my girls and then have them go into rescue mode. You may get a mercy grind or two but that's only cause I'm waitin for the next down beat to get away from your pervy ass.

DONT IGNORE THE GROUP: If you see a girl you like the last thing you want to do is alienate her friends. We instinctively assume that she doesn't want you around and will invent a bathroom break or need for another drink.

DONT TALK ABOUT SEX: Talking about sex when you meet a girl at the club is the ultimate sign of disrespect. I always feel insulted and disgusted when that happens to me. I also feel self conscious about how I'm dressed too cause I always wonder if I'm giving off a cheap girl vibe. Of course I'm not but I wonder...lol

DONT ASK ME TO BUY YOU A DRINK: And don't ask for a sip of my drink. That's the lamest thing you can do. I will give you the meanest screw face and walk way. It's not even a funny joke.

DONT IGNORE MY MAN: If I tell you I have a boyfriend or a husband I am politely saying I'm not interested. It's a poor reflection of your character to say "Who cares" or "Can't you have a friend?" If I wanted to cheat on my man with you, I wouldn't have mentioned him. Read that again. IF I WANTED TO CHEAT ON MY MAN WITH YOU, I WOULDN'T HAVE MENTIONED HIM.

DO INTRODUCE YOURSELF: I can never be rude to someone who comes up to me and introduces themself. We're almost programmed to stop and shake hands in that situation. It's way less threatening than being touched by someone you don't know.

DO ASK FOR A DANCE: You may get rejected but if you don't you can't deny that dancing with someone who actually agrees to dance with you is more fun than the sneak n freak.

DO MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE GROUP: If we like you, we're more likely to let our girl have her time with you and we may even be on your side when you finally ask our girl to dance.

DO BUY ME A DRINK: Now I only say that in the case you spill my drink. In these days I'm sure if you offer to buy a girl a drink she'll either decline, think you want to take advantage of her with roofies, or assume you are gonna buy for her whole crew lol. I hate when a guy spills my drink and just looks at me. Not a good look.

DO COMPLIMENT RESPECTFULLY: I go out and show out so I appreciate compliments. They make me feel good. If I make you wanna take me home and play the love game you don't have to tell me that. Find another way to let me know you like how I look without touching or creeping me out. Compliments are the easiest and safest way to do that.

DO ASK FOR THE NUMBER: It's always sad when I meet a cutie who does all the right things and vibe and he doesn't ask for the number. If you've been getting positive responses all night, chances are the number is yours.

DO ASK FOR A DATE: The only place that's acceptable to invite a girl to that same night is Dennys (or your favorite food stop that's open 24 hours.) You get so many more points if you call the next day and ask to meet in a neutral location.

You'll find that the basic theme is RESPECT. If we feel respected, you're less likely to be rejected.