You know how we learned in school about magnets and how they attract and repel eachother? Well that's how me and Sam are (details in Boomerang Theory blog.) I cant seem to shake him no matter what I do. Its like Katy Perry says, "You're hot then you're cold. You're yes then you're no." I am all Sandra Dee for this guy--hopelessly devoted.
So I lied ladies in the last blog. Me n Sam weren't actually making plans to see each other yesterday. He invited me to this event he was a part of promoting via text. Short n quick. I texted back for details and never got a response. Called him my standard 48 hours later (you what I'm talkin bout ladies--countin the days till the call back lol) and he tells me he may be outta town. I'm thinkin perfect! I can go and not see him with the new girl and still do my review for the club (www.myspace.com/citybeautiful407 really ladies I been EVERYWHERE so if you follow the local reviews you won't have a bad night out.)
Anyways, with him it's like I can feel him. Now I haven't seen him since December although we talk on the phone sporadically (gotta love Clueless) and I got instant anxiety shoppin in the mall because I felt like he was gonna be there. I really did! And sure enough--I get in the club and the freak out begins because I knew he was there before I saw him. He proceeded to walk past me multiple times and not say hello, I texted him just to see if it was really him and got no response. Then I completely died when I saw him lol. Now my friends have no clue why I'm all over his shit but to me he was the most fliest fella in the club. He has beautiful eyes and a great smile and his body is amazing. His peen (courtesy of Necole Bitchie) is a work of art, ladies. I was back on this drug called Sam.
I finally get the guts to approach him since he's by his friend who's also my friend and I get a weak kiss on the cheek, fake hug, hands clasped infront of him, no eye contact and one word answers. I tried to strike up a conversation but I was starting to boil inside. I asked him why he was in town and he tried to tell me he said he had family in town. No sir--you told me flat out you were goin to NY on business and was mad you booked ur ticket at the last minute cause it cost you $5oo instead of $200. Liar. Finally I just mingled with our mutual friend catchin up while Sam turned his back to me and my girls to attend to his bottle of Moet. Dickwad.
I went through the many stages us women do at this point. I danced as sexy as I could in his eyeview, looked like I was having WAY too much fun, started flirting with every guy who gave me eye contact and eventually needed a bathroom break to recoup. I watched him roam around like he didn't see me, throwin back glasses of Mo, open up his muthsuckin shirt on stage and realized he likes to open up old wounds. In my song "Someday" I ask "How come I bruise but I don't heal?" Yeah that song is about him.
Standin outside the bathroom, he's standing right next to me two doors down. He looks at me and winks and gives me that little smile that melts my heart. I just shake my head and walk away. Lord knows I wanted to go over to him and dirty dance a little and smile but more of me wanted to punch him in that perfect mouth Charles Hamilton style.
In conclusion--just between us girls--you can't imagine how it feels to love someone who hurts you one day and says he loves you the next unless you've been through it. Now he's never hit me and I know he wouldn't ever--its more like magnets. I'm always ready to connect and he picks and chooses when he's ready. I have no control over anything. I hang on maybe because I know the man he can be--I seen him with other girls--or the fact that he's strangely a part of me. The mixed signals keep that fire going and against love I'm not strong enough to extinguish it. They say that “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.”
Stay beautiful inside and out.
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