Respect My Hustle

If you happen to read every new blog I post you know that I have been stressing a lot lately over this business and trying to make sure the bumps along the way don't completely run me of the road. Things are hard in life--I know from first hand experience. But I've always come out on top. When I tell you what my dreams are I'm predicting my future. I never say I want something and don't get it. That happens because I hustle.



I've noticed a lot lately that everyone claims to be a "hustler" or that they're grinding. The thing that bothers me about it is people want to throw around those terms and get respect for them. People also see lack of results as a lack of a true hustle--which is incorrect. The act of hustling or grinding is always the process. Your results don't make you a hustler. The progress in your process does.



Sad to say I rarely respect anyone's hustle. Because I truly hustle. From the time I was very young I had a broader understanding of life than most adults do. I was put into a situation that most people wouldn't have the strength to survive. Or if they survived they'd just repeat the process of their parents. Both my parents were on drugs heavy at a young age. My mom was on the streets at 14 when her mother died. That was all she knew. I never had a doubt that she loved me though. Even when it took us almost two decades to be reunited I welcomed her back with open arms and instant forgiveness. I believe that drugs are powerful and very few people have the will power to overcome them. Of course the choice is up to the individual but each person isn't given the same script in life. I refuse to fault people for choices when their situations are tough. But I also don't exuse them. If I did, I'd be a completely different woman today.



I was born unconscious--I even read "dead" on some of the files about me--with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. I've always thought that was the reason I was such a skinny and frail looking kid. I wasn't pretty and I definately didn't have flashy things. I learned very quickly that I could get praise, recognition and stand apart from most if I was smart. I loved to have the praise and respect of people I praised and respected. And I carried that with me through my whole life. Education was my ticket to be something greater. In addition God had given me the talent to sing. And that also became my passion in life. But I digress...I was adopted into a crazy mess of a situation and of those who know what foster care is like just amplify that situation by the fact no social workers would come to visit anymore and check on things. Without being disrespectful to the person who did raise me and the woman it took years to forgive I'll just say the abuse was overwhelming. And I know the difference between correcting a child and abuse. But beyond the physical it was the verbal abuse that I think had me and my five adopted sisters the most screwed up. Being told that no one wanted you in the first place so you should be lucky to have even the little scraps of things can really hinder your self esteem. To this day I struggle with reminding myself that I'm worth more than people try to tell me.



Again, I excelled in school, took to my faith, and taught myself how to write songs and how to sing them. Now I'm not saying I was a saint. I'm saying this was my hustle. I took the hard way. I did the right things and didn't let my circumstances control my destiny. Remember, I have five adopted sisters. Some chose drugs, some chose promiscuity, some chose to succumb to someone's image of them as nothing and some chose to not speak on it at all. It's easy to brag about what you have in life when you never had to fight for it. It's even easier to brag about what you have if you never had to do what's right for it. Everything I have I earned. I worked for. It was never handed to me. I can look around my whole entire apartment and see things I paid for--things I worked for. I remember washing dishes till 3am at McDonalds when I was 15 so I could afford my food, clothes, rent--yes rent--and still get the things I needed for school that the person who was supposed to provide for me wouldn't. I was always taking classes a few grades more advanced and making my mark doing community service and trying hard to catch up to the priveledged kids that surrounded me in school on a daily basis. Do you know I was never allowed to join chorus in school because of additional costs? I did my sophomore year because I paid for my own things. That was the most intimidating thing. To join the state's top choir and be surrounded by girls who had vocal coaches and been to Broadway and knew the art of classical singing and jazz singing. I had never even imagined all the history and techniques behind singing at that time. But I wasn't satisfied with just being in the chorus class but I wanted to be in the exclusive groups with all those girls, too. And I did it. First year in chorus I got a coveted solo in a Women's Ensemble for all of our Christmas shows. I can still remember how shocked people were when my teacher chose me. I live for that feeling.



In conclusion--just between us girls--I don't respect anyone's hustle who had situations handed to them. Oprah is a true hustler to me. Mary J. Blige is a true hustler to me. I even respect the Kardashian women because they took their privelege and they work to make a name for themselves. I'm not saying you didn't work hard if you had a better life--I'm saying you're not as strong as the person who didn't. Beyonce has nothing on Keyshia Cole's hustle. And some of you ladies out here rocking all the labels, driving fancy cars, and spending a lot of someone elses money are the first to look down on others not knowing what they went through to have the little they have. Then you wanna call yourself a diva. You know, its way easier to abort your kid if you get pregnant at a young age than it is to have him and raise him. I respect the women who do that. The women who work shit jobs because they understand the benefits for their kids. I respect the hustle of those who come from nothing and become something. I respect women to understand the strength behind education, earning their own, and having a skill. So don't tell me you work hard. Don't tell me you're grinding. Don't tell me to look at all you have. Cause I know what I had to go through to get what I have and it wasn't easy at all. I love and admire my mom for having a hustle most of you wouldn't dream. She cleaned up her life and has been clean for over a decade. She came and searched for me and filled that missing piece in my heart. To this day if I need anything I know I could call her. She's in school now, working overtime every week, owns her own house and is the boss lady of her family. Ladies, it's about time we stop throwing around the word "hustle" and respect the women who actually do. This blog is not even a pin drop of the things I have had to overcome in life. Don't put me on the same level as you when you know my will power has been tried and tested and strengthened and you never even had to use yours.



Stay beautiful inside and out!

Love is the only emotion

http://www.vladtv.com/blog/9/konvict-artist-dolla-shot--killed-at-beverly-center-mall-in-la/

Another reason to live life to the fullest. You never know when your time is up. I don't get involved with rap beefs because I personally think all that mess is petty. Growing up in South Central Los Angeles I never understood why people will hurt and even kill for gang loyalty--never understood why pride pushed people to kill. At this time, what happened to the young Konvict rapper Dolla isn't officially ruled as a rap beef but that's what the rumors are. Outside of why he died, the fact he died so young is heartbreaking to me. He was on a road to success. As I have been saying, I will never understand why people do what they do. Life is a gift and to take it from someone is disgusting.

In conclusion--just between us girls--I could give a rats ass what race you are, how much money you make, what you think of me, how you hurt me because I believe in karma. And I can think of all the people who have ever hurt me in my life and say that I truly have love for them. Forgiveness is the weirdest thing. But I do view people on how they treat other people. A Twitter friend sent this to me: "It is so sad, cuz people don't understand Love is the only Emotion. Anger, hurt, fear are reactions to Love abused or misused." I wish more people thought like that.

Stay beautiful inside and out.