Guys Are Being Taught To Avoid YOU

I'm one to celebrate being single. And I'm one to admit I'd rather not be single. I want a certain connection and haven't found it yet and until then I really don't put any effort into looking for it. It's a simple friendship. I know I will fall in love with someone who is a friend first. That comes from my inability to let my guard down with just anyone. I think a lot of women are like me--they just want men they can trust. In today's society it's hard to assume the best about a guy (especially if he's good looking, successful, and single.)

I've been doing a lot of research to help my reader's get out of this single-dom. I know beautiful, successful, indepent women who just can't find love (me included but I know what my problem is--most of my readers don't know theirs.) It's appalling that some of us are not being approached by men for genuine long term relationships. You would think a guy would want all of those qualities in a woman. But pouring through many men's articles looking for what men want in women I unconvered some disturbing trends in advice for men about dating. They are being told what to AVOID more than they are being told what to look for. And after I got over my anger at how sexist these articles were I took the chance to notice there were valid points. I realized that even though I say I want a serious relationship I am giving off the "DON'T DATE ME/YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME HAPPY" vibe. No bueno.

 Here are the 10 most common women men are being told to avoid. Try and learn something after you calm down.

1. Feminists: Guys are being taught that these are the kind of women who blame men for everything. That feminists believe that the world would be a better place if men would allow women to be the stronger gender that they are destined to be. Men are being told that feminists treat men like shit with the understanding that men deserve it for years of oppression and will without guilt try and take their manhood. One article said she says things like "Men only think with their penises."

2. Desperate Chicks: This woman is on a countdown. She has set her mind to have kids and be married by a certain time and she doesn't care who with. Men are being taught that she is the kind of woman who wants to "trap" a man she barely knows into marrying simply because she doesn't want to be the last of her friends to do so. This woman also falls into the trap of "Instant Relationship" where a few dates or a sexual encounter has her mind racing with questions like "Why isn't he calling?" or not making plans for the weekend hoping he'll call to do something. She says she "misses" him after a few weeks of talking.

3. Gold Diggers:  This one is pretty obvious but guys are being instructed to avoid a girl who is "take take take take take." This is the kind of woman who feels that a man is supposed to pay for her drinks, dinner, flowers, luxuries, and life style. They are being told that she will use her sexuality and even sponge older guys for money--sometimes without making any commitment to one guy. She cares only for material things and will never want a lasting relationship with someone who can't afford to pay her. One article called her a "prostitute in disguise" and another say's that she's "almost repulsed by the idea that she should return any of the favors."

4. Hopeless Romantics: Seems like men think women who are overly romantic live in a fantasy world. That a hopeless romantic will expect the impossible and will never be happy because her ideal relationship cannot exist. The hopeless romatic has always considered herself a princess and wants to be catered to. If she doesn't get treated like royalty they say she becomes a "screaming nag."

5. Insecure Woman: The woman who is insecure starts out really sweet and loving, guys say. But then as the relationship goes on the insecurity causes her to be super jealous, needy, and emotional. An insecure woman needs to be constantly reminded that she is loved and that she needs to be treated like glass because she is so fragile. Men are being taught to avoid an insecure woman because she becomes full of drama, always calling her man's phone when they're apart, and looking for reasons to feed her paranoia. They call her "needy little girl" and one article had a picture of a doll covered in cotton to depict this kind of woman.

6. The Bitch: They call her "man hater" or "like a feminist--but worse." Guys are being asked to avoid being with a bitch because frankly she doesn't know how to treat people. She cares nothing of anyone else's feelings and she hates men. She thinks that they are stupid and treats them as such. The bitch is the kind of woman who has the competitiveness of a man with the sensitivity of a woman to avoid being hurt. Men are being let in on the fact that she is a good "challenge" but not someone to marry because of her attitude. She's usually really guarded and once she does open up she tends to fall into the "instant relationship" category, too. She switches from being super seductive to emotionally distant in moments making it hard to get close to her.

7. The Yapper: Good conversation is key to a guy but too much talking is annoying. Men avoid women who just talk to hear themselves talk. They never find the time to let anyone get a word in edgewise. Usually a woman who talks too much is very opinionated and not a good listener. Usually the yapper is full of gossip and other useless things as well. Someone who talks too much is seen as someone who is unable and unwilling to learn and men are being told to avoid women like this for sanity purposes.

8. The Career Woman: I didn't see this one too often but the fact that I saw it at all was startling. Apparently it's not that men are afraid of successful women but they have this fear that a career woman doesn't need them. And not even that. Guys are being told that the career woman thinks she doesn't need him. And if a woman doesn't need him why should a man be around her? A career woman has an indepence that is almost arrogant and that's seen as a huge turn off. Men like to know that a confident woman depends on him and a woman who is taking care of everything herself tends depend on no one but herself.

9. The Controlling Lady: If a woman has to have a say in what her man wears, where he goes, who he hangs out with, and what he eats she is the main woman men are being told to avoid. She always has an opinion about what her man should be doing and tends to be the one who puts down her man. Controlling women also can be subtle in her ways by refusing sex, nagging, crying, and even throwing tantrums. All articles list her as someone who is a bitchy and uses the loyatly and love of a nice guy to her advantage.

10. Elusive Chick: Men are being told that women who send mixed messages are going to be nothing but utter frustration. She plays with emotions and she may date and flirt but she never becomes exclusive with her man. They say that she "subconciously sabatages" or avoids relationships. She's been hurt in the past and carries it with her and she never will quite get to where she can fully open up again. One article went as far as to say she makes excuses to why she can't spend time and will never get a man who's interested out of "friend status." It says that she deceives herself into thinking she doesn't have time for relationships.

In conclusion--just between us girls--those were just 10 of the most common listed. I saw references to party girls and serial flirts as well. They key thing to take from all this is what we might see as positive traits men might assume the worst. A man should expect to put some effort into getting to know a woman if he has pure intentions. From what I read it sounds like men hold women who have been hurt before in a bad light. I don't think a woman can control who hurts her. Men should be more sensitive to the fact that women want to be in love and have had their hearts broken and are going to be guarded. Also men should take an active role in understanding that women are emotional. And yes, if a connection is made or she finds she's interested in a man he shouldn't be creeped out. If he's not interested in going beyond what's already there he should make that clear. If he needs time to understand how he feels about a woman who has fallen for him he needs to make that clear too.

Love is a battlefield and there are going to be wounds that need treating and time for healing, ladies. But lets not have those scars scare away our happiness. Are you guilty of any of the above? Do you have those tendancies? It's time to take some of the blame for why we are single if we really don't want to be. That's the only way we'll be able to change and get what we need. A long lasting and loving relationship.

Stay beautiful inside and out!

All The Single Ladies! Valentine's Doesn't Have to Suck

In exactly a week most of us single girls will probably be doing whatever it takes to get our minds off the fact that we're single. Hey, I'm not gonna lie--having never had a Valentine I secretly wish that I had someone to go out and spend a romantical day with and to be pampered by a sexy man EVERY year that this cursed day rolls around. But as fate has made me perpetually single I have decided to celebrate Valentine's Day as it best fits where I am now. Here are 10 things you can do to make sure Singles Awareness Day doesn't suck.

Treat Yourself: That should be a no brainer. We are single independent women and used to taking care of ourselves so for Valentines Day go the extra mile. Get a massage, a mani/pedi with a daring red or pink nail color, a facial, or buy yourself something sexy and do a photoshoot if you wanna make these guys wish they had you on Valentine's Day. Make yourself feel good to be yourself. Being happy with yourself is the best way to avoid the blues on Valentines Day.

Girl's Night Out: I'm sure if you're single you can find a single girlfriend (or four) for some serious girl time. Go see a movie downtown at The Plaza like"Valentine's Day" dressed to impress. Dinner must include some wine or martini's for some sophisticated single lady fun. I suggest hitting the Monkey Bar on Wall Street for a desert martini or (my favorite) an extra dirty martini with some great food. Urban Flats is perfect for a "wine down" after a movie as well.  

Meet a New Guy: Why not? You know you would rather be with a guy anyway. Gather the girls and go out to a ladies night for singles. Pick five traits for five diffferent guys. Have a goal of approaching guys. Make the list simple but the list should be fun. For example, the first guy you see wearing red you have to approach. Or a guy drinking a certain brand of beer. Anything will work. You're single now so meeting new people should be something you enjoy. And you never know--if he's out single on Valentine's Day he just might end up being your Valentine next year.

Throw a Party: If going out and seeing all the happy couples is not something you think you can handle--throw a party of your own. Pick a theme like "Love Bites" and have an all out war against relationships. Invite some of your closest and hottest girlfriends, add a Brown Bag party that features the best self pleasing options for Valentine's Day, attire is nothing but LBDs and share your relationship woes with a glass of wine and hor dovures. No flowers, no candy, no red--just sexy black dresses and sex toys ;)

Send Yourself Gifts: It's not as desperate as it sounds. Send yourself flowers or an Edible Arrangement with a self affirmation card for the note. Tell yourself how beautiful you are. Tell yourself how special you are. Tell yourself that you are one of the most important women you know. And when people ask you who it's from say its from someone who loves you just the way you are. Buy yourself a right hand ring--the ring that symbolizes that you're single and happy with that--and able to splurge on yourself. And what is Valentine's Day without chocolate? Indulge in all the goodies and candles and sexy lingerie. Make this day about loving yourself.

Love Your Loved Ones: Valentine's Day is about love. There is no reason to forget the special people in your life that love you every day no matter what. Your family and friends should hear just how much they mean to you on Valentine's Day. Buy cards and candies and treat them to the pampering you are so used to giving to yourself. If you have children take the time to enjoy making their Valentine's Day cards for school, take them Michaels and let them go crazy with the Valentine's Day crafts and glitter and heart shapes. Spend time with your siblings and your parents. Make Valentine's Day treats for your loved ones as well. Nothing is more fun than working from your creative side.

Donate Your Time: There are so may people that don't get love on a regular basis that would appreciate yours. And not only people--animals as well. You can volunteer downtown at the homeless shelter, pick a senior citizens home to spend a day passing out Valentine's Day cards and making new friends. The Humane Society in Sanford always needs volunteers. Spend the day caring for abandoned animals that need a little tlc. Karma is so important when it comes to sharing love. You have to give love to get it. Remain positive and don't wallow in the fact that you're single. Give your time to those that truly don't have anyone who cares. Do a favor for a friend in need or take out someone you know who recently had a rough time in love or maybe even health wise. The bottom line is show strangers a little love and feel better about your situation.

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Date Yourself: This will probably be what I'm doing for Valentine's Day. Gather all the chick flicks you love (I recommend Little Black Book starring the late Brittany Murphy) and a bottle of wine. If you can't be love drunk get a little tipsy and have a laugh. Spend time with yourself. Combine the "Treat Yourself" and "Gift Yourself" and then spend time alone at home. Write a poem, create a relationship plan, make a list of things about yourself that you love. The relationship plan sounds a little cheezy but it's not. Don't be afraid to know what you want in a relationship. Don't make the mistake of letting lonliness cause you to settle. Take the time to love yourself and then have the will power to give yourself what you really want.

Take a Trip: Maybe you need to get away from what you're used to. Especially if you went through a recent breakup. Getting out of the city and taking a quick trip to Daytona or Tampa might be what you need. Going out in a different city is a way to avoid reliving memories of past Valentine's Days with the ex. Bring a girlfriend along or go solo--either way the change of scenery should allow you to take a break from all the emotions that are bound to come pouring out. Maybe you want to spend the day missing him? Maybe you want to spend the day forgetting him? Only you know where your heart is at. As long as you focus on what's best for you.

Phone A Friend: All men aren't bad. If you have a male friend or someone you used to date and you are in the mood for romance--give him a call. Setting clear guidelines always helps if he is more into you than you are into him and vice versa. Sometimes still being able to flirt and enjoy the company of someone you care about is enough to make for a fun Valentine's Day--especially if it's a casual situation. The only thing is make sure you aren't setting yourself up for heartbreak. If this casual date with a guy you want more from don't get it twisted. And don't fool yourself into thinking he might feel the need to make you his girlfriend after that. Remember what I say--give him the green light but let him press the gas pedal.

In conclusion--just between us girls--the key is to make time for yourself. Love yourself. Celebrate all the non romantic love you may have in your life. And don't be afraid to pamper yourself. It's Valentine's Day! Much love ladies.